IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that industrial growth is necesary to solve proverty, but some other people argue that industrial growth is leading to poverty and should be stopped. Discuss both view and give your opinion?

The usefulness of industrial growth for every country is debatable. Some individuals hold the opinion that it is needed to reduce poverty while other
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that the number of needy
people
Use synonyms
 is increasing with
industrial
Correct article usage
the industrial
show examples
 rise.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives and I think that solvency is rising with industrial growth.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
people
Use synonyms
 who say that industrial progress is noteworthy to reduce scarcity think that
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 are getting lots of unemployment with its rise. The development of
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
show examples
 sector creates
a huge numbers
Correct the article-noun agreement
a huge number
huge numbers
show examples
 of job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 which can lead to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 rate of unemployment and help
people
Use synonyms
 to live their life delightedly.
Moreover
Linking Words
, more and more industry and
factory
Add an article
the factory
show examples
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 a
countries
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 economy strong
as a result
Linking Words
 it will help to enrich the lifestyle of
needy
Add an article
the needy
show examples
 community.
For example
Linking Words
,
those country
Change the determiner
that country
those countries
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 become developed is just because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they have
bigger
Add an article
a bigger
show examples
 industrial field which creates working facility for their population.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the more industry
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a country
, the
Add a missing verb
has, the
show examples
 less unemployment there will be. 
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others
people
Use synonyms
 who say, industrial prosperity is the reason for poverty assert that industrialisation is increasing
gap
Correct article usage
the gap
show examples
 between wealthy and needy
people
Use synonyms
. Because of it, the
reach
Correct your spelling
rich
show examples
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 are becoming reacher whereas poor
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 become
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
poorer.
Industry
Add an article
The industry
show examples
 creates work
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but provides a nominal salary to their labourer than their profit resulting in they are finding trouble
to maintain
Change the verb form
maintaining
show examples
 their daily activities.
This
Linking Words
has
Add the particle
tohas
show examples
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to become their life harder
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
harder.
For instance
Linking Words
, it was often observed that companies owner purchase one after another luxurious
vechiles
Correct your spelling
vehicles
 continuously while worker finds lots of unexpected
puzzle
Change to a plural noun
puzzles
show examples
 to bear their
dalily
Correct your spelling
daily
 basic demands.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is leading to create social degeneration among
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 industrialisation may create
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
huge employment by working their
people
Use synonyms
 cam reduce scarcity, it
also
Linking Words
expend
Change the verb form
expends
show examples
 contraposition among owner
amd
Correct your spelling
and
 worker. I think that
this
Linking Words
 problem can be solved
id
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
 bureaucracy makes
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
employers
Change noun form
employers'
employer's
show examples
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
 so that they can sustain their daily needs. So, the deficits of industrial growth are completely negligible compared to the benefits.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: