IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving hapiness.Others, however believe that money has nothing to do with hapiness.Discuss both views, give your opinion.

Although
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 a number of
people
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 think that
money
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 is a crucial element for pursuing
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
happiness
hapiness
Correct your spelling
happiness
, some
people
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 say it is not. I personally think that
money
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 has an important
roll
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role
show examples
 in achieving
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Correct your spelling
happiness
hapiness
Correct your spelling
happiness
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 while understanding that
money
Use synonyms
 is just one of the crucial elements. For the
people
Use synonyms
 who think feeling
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
happiness
hapiness
Correct your spelling
happiness
 would not be affected by earning or spending
money
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,
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
happiness
hapiness
Correct your spelling
happiness
 could be achieved when they would reach the purpose of their
life
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.
Therefore
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, they might think that
money
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 is just an
elements
Replace the word
element
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 to spend daily
life
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 normally, not an indispensable factor for achieving
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
happiness
hapiness
Correct your spelling
happiness
.
On the other hand
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, it is widely thought that
money
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 would help
people
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 to pursue
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Correct your spelling
happiness
hapiness
Correct your spelling
happiness
. it is said that owning assets has become
incresingly
Correct your spelling
increasingly
 important as
global
Add an article
the global
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 economy has developed rapidly. A great deal of assets allows
people
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 to have a number of
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opportunities
oppotunities
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opportunities
 to experience what
people
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 want to.
Thus
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, it can be said that
money
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 is an important factor
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 enriching
life
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 experience, which is certainly involved with the feeling of
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Correct your spelling
happiness
hapiness
Correct your spelling
happiness
. In conclusion, I believe achieving
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
happiness
hapiness
Correct your spelling
happiness
 in
life
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 requires
money
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 because the
fanction
Correct your spelling
function
money
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 has
gives
Change the verb form
given
show examples
Correct your spelling
opportunities
oppotunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to
people
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 to develop perspectives and enrich their
life
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experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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 will lead them to achieve
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Correct your spelling
happiness
hapiness
Correct your spelling
happiness
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 while taking the purpose of
leife
Correct your spelling
life
 into consideration.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • basic needs
  • diminishing returns
  • materialism
  • personal growth
  • mindset
  • self-worth
  • social status
  • philanthropy
  • well-being
  • experiences
  • generosity
  • fulfilling
  • reduces stress
  • escalate
  • acquiring wealth
  • sense of security
  • comparative wealth
  • excessive focus
  • leisure activities
What to do next:
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