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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think most crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad in nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #crimes #circumstances #poverty #nature
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Crimes in society take place
due to
Linking Words
 some unwelcomed conditions
such
Linking Words
 as lack of money and several miscellaneous social factors in some
people
Use synonyms
's opinion, meanwhile, others believe that individuals' state of
nature
Use synonyms
 causes
such
Linking Words
 issues. Self-evidently, the crime rate in every single society is an important element of social security which should be provided and preserved by states in any possible means. On the one hand, some claim that
this
Linking Words
 kind of abnormality derives from insufficient funds for families
along with
Linking Words
 a lack of career opportunities throughout the country.
For instance
Linking Words
, if one is penniless and has to cover the family expenses he or she most probably does whatever it takes to provide it for the family.
Therefore
Linking Words
, to conduct it he or she can commit any crime to obtain money.
Moreover
Linking Words
, lack of knowledge and social class of the
people
Use synonyms
 may impact
this
Linking Words
 situation in order to intrigue individuals to have a tendency toward
such
Linking Words
 an action.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many others strongly believe that
this
Linking Words
 crime situation appears
due to
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 the evil
nature
Use synonyms
 of someone and it has no relation to poverty or other social conditions in every society. By way of illustration, there are pieces of evidence showing that some well-off
people
Use synonyms
 commit dreadful crimes and sometimes may wipe out the trace by spending a great amount of hush money in corrupt countries. They justify that what is the
nature
Use synonyms
 of human beings will show it in the long- run and whoever owns an evil
nature
Use synonyms
 will have the evil deeds no matter if he or she is affluent or poor. In a nutshell, they assume the
people
Use synonyms
's insidious
nature
Use synonyms
 will impact it. In conclusion, we can observe that
people
Use synonyms
's way of upbringing and their background heavily influence their future and deeds, but the amount derived from social conditions
as well as
Linking Words
 their life quality and job situation outweigh the former reason in that statistics prove it in general.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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coherence cohesion
A broader range of linking words could enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Consider integrating more varied sentence structures to improve fluidity and readability.
task achievement
Strengthen your argument by providing more specific examples to support your views.
task achievement
Your conclusion could more explicitly state your own opinion for a stronger personal viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay addresses both viewpoints as the task requested, effectively covering the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and establish the topic and your stance well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • socio-economic circumstances
  • poverty
  • lack of education
  • unemployment
  • illegal activities
  • desperation
  • social issues
  • exposure to violence
  • family structures
  • inherent
  • personality traits
  • lack of empathy
  • aggression
  • predilection for risk-taking
  • affluent backgrounds
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