IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this and how could it be tackled?

#world #societies #obesity #children #adults
In recent years,
obesity
 and its consequences have become widespread all over the world. As its drawbacks affect both children and adults, some work should have been done to tackle it. In
this
 essay, I will discuss some of the reasons for
this
 phenomenon and propose some solutions. People’s lifestyle has changed in recent years. As they are busy with their jobs and daily routines, they have started to spend less time on their meals.
As a result
 of that, fast foods and ready meals which are not only full of fat but
also
 one of
obesity
’s main reasons have become popular among all people irrespective of their age.
In addition
,
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
 developments, a lot of jobs and daily tasks that need body activity are done by machines and individuals have become less active.
On the other hand
, children’s active games have been replaced by computer games.
Hence
, societies are facing
obesity
 and its impacts on children and adults. There are,
however
, some solutions to help city dwellers cope with
this
 new phenomenon.
Firstly
, governments should work on some plans to aware people of the consequences of
obesity
 and courage them to eat more healthy meals and do some daily activities to improve their health conditions.
For instance
, free or cheap gyms and bicycles, for short distances, and
also
 some special programs for children to be more active should be prepared for societies’ members.
Thus
, governments can play an essential role in warning families about
obesity
’s drawbacks and providing programs to control it. To conclude, while
obesity
 and its disadvantages have become one of the growing problems that societies struggle with, governments are able to control
this
 phenomenon by informing people and families and providing facilities for them to be more active.
Submitted by arezoo.arch66 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Fast food
  • Convenience foods
  • Caloric intake
  • Physical activity
  • Nutrition education
  • Economic factors
  • Health policies
  • Marketing strategies
  • Incentives
  • Subsidies
  • Overconsumption
  • Portion sizes
  • Healthy lifestyle choices
What to do next:
Look at other essays: