Many people believe that the increase presence of violence in films and television these days is responsible for rising incident of violent crimes among youth society. They argue that government have a duty to control the media so as to reduce this phenomenon. Do you agree with this arguments

Nowadays, the rate of violent crimes increases between young ages, some people
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
that
due to
watching films on television is reflected in their minds. It's argued that the government have responsibility for what is displayed in the media. In my opinion, I completely agree. Demonstrators have an essential role in
this
issue, by controlling the media to reduce
this
phenomenon in youth society,
in addition
, parents should raise awareness among their kids.
Firstly
, the government should control what is displayed on the screens.
In other words
, if the law prevents the directors from displaying violence seen in written roles,
this
will reduce the copy by youth.
For example
,
last
year there was an appearance of a phenomenon, 99 kids died because of lack of oxygen, after detection, it was found that they were copying movies seen,
then
the show was stopped by the law. So, sometimes it is important that the role should be involved in making decisions about what is displayed to the public.
On the other hand
, parents should raise awareness in their children. teenagers' minds are not developed enough to distinguish between what is real and what is
faked
Replace the word
fake
show examples
. To illustrate, these young groups take the actors as role models and copy whatever they do, thinking
that is
right. Here, parents' responsibility is required to raise the level of realization that they should not copy these spectators because it is not real. In conclusion, watching crimes and violence in movies caused the appearance of incident violence among teenagers, I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
that
this
phenomenon could be reduced if the government
stop
Wrong verb form
stopped
show examples
this
kind of film
to be
Change preposition
from being
show examples
displayed on screens.
moreover
, by
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
children's awareness that not anything shown on TV is real and teaching them how to differentiate.
Submitted by Fatima Sami on

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task response
Ensure that your essay directly responds to the prompt, including both the government's role in controlling media and the responsibility of parents in raising awareness among children.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas in a more structured manner, and ensure that each paragraph follows a clear logical progression.

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