Many people believe that the increase presence of violence in films and television these days is responsible for rising incident of violent crimes among youth society. They argue that government have a duty to control the media so as to reduce this phenomenon. Do you agree with this arguments

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Nowadays, the rate of violent crimes increases between young ages, some people

believed

Wrong verb form

believe

show examples

that

due to

Linking Words

watching films on television is reflected in their minds. It's argued that the government have responsibility for what is displayed in the media. In my opinion, I completely agree. Demonstrators have an essential role in

this

Linking Words

issue, by controlling the media to reduce

this

Linking Words

phenomenon in youth society,

in addition

Linking Words

, parents should raise awareness among their kids.

Firstly

Linking Words

, the government should control what is displayed on the screens.

In other words

Linking Words

, if the law prevents the directors from displaying violence seen in written roles,

this

Linking Words

will reduce the copy by youth.

For example

Linking Words

last

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year there was an appearance of a phenomenon, 99 kids died because of lack of oxygen, after detection, it was found that they were copying movies seen,

then

Linking Words

the show was stopped by the law. So, sometimes it is important that the role should be involved in making decisions about what is displayed to the public.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, parents should raise awareness in their children. teenagers' minds are not developed enough to distinguish between what is real and what is

faked

Replace the word

fake

show examples

. To illustrate, these young groups take the actors as role models and copy whatever they do, thinking

that is

Linking Words

right. Here, parents' responsibility is required to raise the level of realization that they should not copy these spectators because it is not real. In conclusion, watching crimes and violence in movies caused the appearance of incident violence among teenagers, I

believed

Wrong verb form

believe

show examples

that

this

Linking Words

phenomenon could be reduced if the government

stop

Wrong verb form

stopped

show examples

this

Linking Words

kind of film

to be

Change preposition

from being

show examples

displayed on screens.

moreover

Linking Words

, by

rising

Correct your spelling

raising

show examples

children's awareness that not anything shown on TV is real and teaching them how to differentiate.

Fatima SamiMon Aug 15 2022

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task response

Ensure that your essay directly responds to the prompt, including both the government's role in controlling media and the responsibility of parents in raising awareness among children.

coherence and cohesion

Work on organizing your ideas in a more structured manner, and ensure that each paragraph follows a clear logical progression.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

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Many people believe that the increase presence of violence in films and television these days is responsible for rising incident of violent crimes among youth society. They argue that government have a duty to control the media so as to reduce this phenomenon. Do you agree with this arguments

Establishing good relationships in the workplace is not important, as the primary goal of every person is to focus on work. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want. To what extent should children have to follow rules?

Write a letter to a city planning manager about demolition of a historical building in your area and say – Explain why it shouldn’t be demolished. – Suggest a future use for this building. – Recommend a way to raise money for repairs.

According to observations, some animal species have become extinct- or endangered in recent decades. What are reasons behind this tendency? What effects it may have on ecosystems in general?

More students are travelling abroad for further education. Do you believe the advantages of this experience are greater than the drawbacks associated with it?