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Band 6

Some say that music, art, and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

#say #music #art #drama #school #subjects #level
In
this
 essay, we believe that
art
 is overly important for the development of children's cognitive skills and social interaction, especially when it is taught at a young age,
hence
 we advocate in
this
 paper for the mandatory implementation of
art
 in every primary school.
Art
 allows students to be creative and resourceful, not just in other academic subjects but in life’s situations, and it is because
art
 is not just about learning accumulated knowledge, but about creating new ones,
therefore
, we believe
art
 is crucial in the development of our society since it pushes individuals to come up with new ideas that can be beneficial thereof and the whole world. As we all know, the most prosperous societies throughout history are those that have come out with the best ideas, and in
this
 era where people are facing new challenges,
such
 as drug addiction, depression, or anxiety, we need
art
 more than ever, to create new views of how understanding the world, and what is more, to ourselves. In conclusion,
art
 is important because it helps students to perform better not just in other subjects but in situations of real life, and it is because
art
 can develop student creativity by stimulating their cognitive process within their brain,
besides
, having creative people in a society, is of vital importance because it helps with the development of the society itself, of the individual itself, and the whole world.
Submitted by franciscojavierlang on

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Task Achievement
To enhance the task response score, ensure that your essay fully addresses the prompt by presenting a balanced argument or a clear stance. Incorporate more specific examples that are directly related to the significance of music, art, and drama in schools, rather than focusing broadly on art.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by connecting your ideas more effectively. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show relationships between sentences and paragraphs. Also, organize your arguments in a way that builds logically from one to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
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