Young people who commit serious crimes, such as robbery or a violent attack should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It's argued that youngsters are supposed to be penalized as seriously as adults when they commit terrible crimes, like robbery or violent
attack
Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
show examples
. As for me, I totally agree with
this
idea. On the one hand ,improving the level of
penalizing
Replace the word
penalisation
show examples
is an effective way to deter youth from doing illegal activities. Because the likelihood of losing freedom can make them think twice before violating
laws
. Some of them will not risk spending a number of months in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail so they are likely to obey
laws
.
Furthermore
, strict punishment may
also
have a criminal record which
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a negative impact on their career path .
For instance
, May companies will do background investigations in order to check if the interviewer has criminal acts . And It would be impossible for people who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
criminal
Add an article
a criminal
show examples
record to pass .
Therefore
, considering those consequences, they might choose to control themselves.
On the other hand
. Some people think youngsters  are not mature enough to
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
seriously the crimes are,so should give them
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
to Change .
However
, in fact, they have already
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
learned it .
For example
, there are tons of cartoons or TU programmes 
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
related to
laws
which can teach them what is illegal and obey
laws
.
Moreover
, In school, they are
also
educated
what
Change preposition
on what
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
not supposed to be done as well as what will be resulted . So
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age should not be an excuse to escape
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
harsh punishment. In conclusion, I strongly believe that young people should be treated as same as adults
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
if they commit serious crimes.
Submitted by 元气少女鲁智深 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: