IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some counties, it is now possible for people to buy products made in other counties. To what extent do the benefits of this development outweigh the problems?

There has been a controversy about the advantages and disadvantages of imported
products
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. I think their merits outweigh their demerits, and my reasons will be explained in the following paragraphs.
First,
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they can gratify the demands of the domestic
market
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. It's expected that not all
countries
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 are self-reliant;
due to
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 some determinants of their territory,
such
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 as climate and latitude, they can't produce some particular
products
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. At
this
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 point, importing goods from other
countries
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 can solve
this
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 problem to a large extent. Take Germany as an example. On account of its domestic climate, it's difficult to grow some
fruit
Fix the agreement mistake
fruits
show examples
, like oranges and bananas.
Therefore
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, to tackle
this
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 issue, Germany imports a sizeable portion of fruit from other
countries
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,
such
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 as Spain and Italy.
Second,
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lessening the domestic resource pressure. As mentioned in the
last
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 paragraph, not all
countries
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 have rich resources and are self-reliant. Take Japan as an example. It has been reported that Japan has to import 94.5% of natural gas from other
countries
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 annually.
Hence
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, in order to fix
this
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 issue, they choose to import resources from other
countries
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.
For instance
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, oil is extremely popular in the international
market
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. Oil-rich
countries
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 rely on it to stimulate their economy, and those oil-poor
countries
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 rely on
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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imported oil to alleviate the domestic oil crisis.
On the other hand
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, importing goods has some problems.
For instance
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, they infringe upon the domestic
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products'
Change noun form
products
show examples
market
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. Take China as an example. There are numerous imported cars in China,
such
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 as BMW and Volkswagen, and they are becoming even more popular now.
As a consequence
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, their proportion in the car
market
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 has increased dramatically, and the ratio of those domestic cars has shrunk considerably. In conclusion, I believe the benefits of importing
products
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 outstrip its problems.

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task response
Your introduction presents your view clearly. However, consider providing a brief overview of both benefits and problems to better frame your essay.
coherence and cohesion
In your paragraphs, ensure each point is clearly linked to your thesis statement. You could use phrases like 'Moreover' or 'Additionally' to help with this.
task achievement
You provided specific examples from Germany and Japan, which support your arguments well.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion restates your main point effectively, summarizing your argument clearly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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