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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people belive it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this?

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Recent years have witnessed that the number of residents has been increasing
due to
Linking Words
 immigration, meanwhile, citizens are arguing whether deforestation should be conducted for residential
buildings
Use synonyms
 or not. From my perspective, the protection of rural
areas
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 should be maintained as a high priority, despite the lack of numbers of living
areas
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.
To begin
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 with, in terms of maintaining urban
areas
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' air quality, saplings and plants should not be destroyed. There is no denying that the carbon emission level is rising dramatically,
due to
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 the insufficient number of accommodations. Recent research conducted by Syndey's scientists has confirmed that the Earth's ozone layer will
be
Verb problem
apply
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further
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deteriorated
Wrong verb form
deteriorate
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 in the following decade, inasmuch as the countryside keeps being removed by humanity.
Therefore
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, the natural environment must be secured at the moment.
For example
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, the
government
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 can enforce strict laws to ban the actions of deforestation immediately,
likewise
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, the natural cycle can not only be sustained but an enhanced fresh oxygen supply can be provided for the community.
On the other hand
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, regarding the lack of living
areas
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, the
government
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 can consider reconstriction of unused or old facilities. Recent reports from Hong Kong have stated that most citizens are living in mansions and
buildings
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 in the centre of urban
areas
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,
in contrast
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, almost none is using the old
buildings
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 and recreational facilities.
For instance
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, the
government
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 can recreate the
buildings
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 that have the potential of danger to mankind,
while
Linking Words
 keeping the specific characteristics and cultures of one's district to appeal to customers to live.
Consequently
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, not many residential
areas
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 can be occupied,
hence
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, reducing the use of the rural
areas
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.
To conclude
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, there is no doubt that residents are concerned with the fresh air conditions. The strong willingness towards environmental protection may persuade the
government
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 to pay more attention to the current natural system and cycle, inasmuch as they consider
this
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 and provide appropriate actions
instead
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 of deteriorating the countryside.

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task response
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that there is a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use transition words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
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