IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that humans should be able to use animals for their own benefit, while others argue that the rights of animals should be protected. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #humans #animals #benefit #rights
It is
common
Correct article usage
a common
show examples
Add the particle
to believe
show examples
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 that
animals
 should obey people while others
thing
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
 that we should all protect all living
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 it is important not only to live in symbiosis with
animals
 but
also
 to use them when necessary, in
reasonable
Change the article
a reasonable
show examples
 way.
First
 of all, for ages generations have been using the power of
animals
 in various works.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 they were participating in
construction
Add an article
the construction
show examples
 of the most famous ancient buildings. Strong horses and bulls were pulling the vehicles all over the Europe and USA having
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 great impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of civilization.
Secondly
Add a comma
,Secondly
show examples
animals
 were always part of traditional meals, mostly in northern countries
were
Correct your spelling
where
show examples
 temperatures were lower and animal fat was significant in diet guaranteeing
surviving
Replace the word
survival
show examples
 in hard times. Physiologically the gastrointestinal
track
Correct your spelling
tract
show examples
 of the human is adapted to digest
meat
Add an article
the meat
show examples
 of animal origin, including proteins, fat and diluted in
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
vitamines
Correct your spelling
vitamins
show examples
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 our generation
owe
Change the verb form
owes
show examples
 a lot to
animals
 on many different
level
Change to a plural noun
levels
show examples
, as we will not be in the place where we are now without
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 help.
On the other hand
, it is considered by many that
animals
 are unique creatures that should be treated individually as they all have
heart
Fix the agreement mistake
hearts
show examples
 and
soul
Fix the agreement mistake
souls
show examples
. They do not agree
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 using
animals
 on farms, zoos
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
ore
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
 circuses as it affects their freedom and welfare. All individuals should live in
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 natural habit without
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 integration. It has been
also
 believed by some, that it is not ethical to eat
animal's
Fix the agreement mistake
animals'
show examples
meet
Correct your spelling
meat
show examples
. Many believe that it is inappropriate to create the band with the
animals
, grow them and feed them to
finally
 eat them when they become adult individuals.
This
 may be a primal reason why some decide to be vegan or vegetarian. I think that it is necessary to include
Correct your spelling
meat
show examples
meet
Correct your spelling
meat
show examples
 in our diet as our body is unable to synthesize certain supplements, but no matter what, we should always treat
animals
 with respect and take care of their health and
conditions
Correct article usage
the conditions
show examples
 they live in. To conclude, it is important to use
animals
 in
reasonable
Change the article
a reasonable
show examples
 way , use them when it is necessary and protect
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
hem
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
 when it is needed.
Submitted by A.A.B on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: