IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people feel that the exploration of space justifies a large amount of government and private investment. Other people think that this field is of increasingly low relevance, and should not be a priority. Debate both sides of this discussion, and explain your own view. How important is it for us to explore space at the moment?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Space
Use synonyms
 exploration over the years has become a controversial debate among peers, spawning two radically bold figures: those who oppose it and those who support it. There are strong arguments on both sides of the debate, which we will discuss here. On one hand, those who encourage the continued funding of
space
Use synonyms
 programs have argued that exploration is necessary for advancement, citing that exploring
space
Use synonyms
 has been the groundwork for
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
 advancement in the
last
Linking Words
 fifty years, giving us better tools and materials.
For example
Linking Words
, most of Apollo Eleven's research was the framework for creating smartphones and other appliances in our
modern day
Add a hyphen
modern-day
show examples
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the investigation of new planets may provide human beings with new homes and more resources; one step closer to becoming interplanetary ambassadors.
However
Linking Words
, those who opposed the program, proposed that there are more important larger scale problems down here on earth to deal with, most notably: climate change. The impact of global warming is a pressing issue where the Earth experiences unusual disasters and climate changes each year. We are being threatened
due to
Linking Words
 the abnormal rise in temperature.
This
Linking Words
 demands a public and private partnership to address and deal with
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it incurs at a high cost.
Therefore
Linking Words
, rather than investing in cosmic missions, funds should be prioritized to save our home first. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 both arguments are compelling, I believe that continuing to fund
space
Use synonyms
 expeditions is more beneficial in the grand scheme of things. It can assist us in the long run by finding a new home and progressing towards the next technological innovation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay presents clear arguments on both sides of the debate, you could further enhance your argument by providing more detailed examples to support your points. This would strengthen your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the points in each paragraph are cohesively linked, building a stronger transition between the arguments presented. Although the essay is generally well-organized, a few more transitional phrases could improve cohesion.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view which is essential for this task type.
coherence cohesion
Good introduction and conclusion that sufficiently frame the discussion, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: