research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?

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There are some academic
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence

It appears that evidences is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural. Consider changing the noun.

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suggest
Correct subject-verb agreement
suggests

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that
people
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are influenced more by their inborn qualities
instead
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of their
experiences
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during their growth. But I disagree with
this
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opinion because I think the
experiences
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acquired from
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people’s
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life
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will have bigger effects on their
personalities
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and future development.
Experiences
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accumulated in daily
life
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will help
people
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improve their knowledge, skills and something else which are needed to help them form developed
personalities
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. When children are just born, they are like pieces of white paper, without any existing contents there. To go through different things and learn from them is
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people’
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people’s

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work in their whole
life
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. In
this
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way,
people
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can understand many profound truths, broaden their horizons and gather lots of useful information, all of which will complete their values and views. They will surely know about kindness, selflessness and happiness through these
experiences
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, so their
personalities
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can be developed
into
Change preposition
to

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a higher level, ensuring
them
Correct pronoun usage
they

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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become more mature adults. It is no doubt that born characters can make
influence
Add an article
an influence

The noun phrase influence seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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on
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apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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people’s
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worldview
Fix the agreement mistake
worldviews

It seems that worldview may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and their ways of thinking
things
Change preposition
about things

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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, which seems to be an indispensable factor for their growth.
Nevertheless
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, if there are no
experiences
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happening in
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people’s
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Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

life
Replace the word
lives

The word life doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, how can they show their innate qualities to others?
For instance
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a boy was born with a genetic talent
on
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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playing basketball, but no one could know exactly about
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

initially
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. Only if he participates in some sports events in his school, he would probably be discovered by his coach and
then
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have
a
Correct article usage
apply

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further
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

development in his basketball career.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is so important to take various
experiences
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that
Correct word choice
so that

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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people
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can notice their special
personalities
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and have a certain promotion in future. In conclusion, acquired
experiences
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not only
contributes
Correct subject-verb agreement
contribute

It seems that the verb contributes does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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to more mature
personalities
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but
also
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provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide

It seems that the verb provides does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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chances to find
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people’s
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talent and lead to
further
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

development. I believe that all the
experiences
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we have accumulated will definitely play a key role in our
life
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • nature vs. nurture debate
  • genetic inheritance
  • personality traits
  • behavior patterns
  • heritability
  • twins studies
  • malleable characteristics
  • upbringing
  • environmental influences
  • critical periods
  • language acquisition
  • worldview
  • innate traits
  • personal experiences
  • psychological development
  • epigenetics
  • adaptive behaviors
  • cultural imprinting
  • temperament
  • social conditioning
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