Some people believe that too many resources and attention are devoted to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #resources #attention #protection #animals #birds

Nowadays some people think extra

budget

and attention are paid to protecting wildlife. I totally disagree with

this

opinion because lots of

animals

, birds, and plants have extinction in recent years. Statistics show every year more than 10 species are extinguished not only because their habitat is demolished but

also

because they hunt extremely.

This

tragedy occurs because the government’s

budget

is not sufficient to protect

animals

against hunters and other dangers.

In addition

, schools and media do not pay enough attention to wildlife and its importance in our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

. They should describe the important role of different species and inform society about the dangers of animal extinction. Factories are the second reason for treating

animals

and plants world. They polluted water resources and air, cutting trees to build roads and

make

Wrong verb form

making

show examples

noise as well. They do these things because making money is more important to them than protecting the environment. They should use some filters to reduce the amount of pollution which they

produced

Wrong verb form

produce

show examples

but governments do not have legislation on

this

kind of subject. In conclusion,

although

governments

paid

Wrong verb form

pay

show examples

budget

Correct article usage

a budget

show examples

to protect the environment, it is not enough. They should pay more

budget

to protect

animals

and jungles and legislation to punish those who treat the wildlife.

As well as

this

schools and media should pay more attention to

this

subject and inform people about the important role that

animals

and trees have in our life.

Submitted by TUTOO on Tue Aug 16 2022

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coherence cohesion

You have provided relevant examples to support your points, but your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure to include a clear introduction that states your position and a conclusion that summarizes your main points.

task achievement

You have adequately addressed the task, providing both sides of the argument and expressing your disagreement. However, ensure that you present a stronger position in the introduction and provide a clearer conclusion to round off your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

238 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that too many resources and attention are devoted to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

In the modern world, schools are no longer necessary because there is so much information available through the internet that children can study just as well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Popular hobbies and interests change over time and are more a reflection of trends and fashions than an indication of what individuals really want to do in their spare time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some believe that people should make efforts to fight climate change while others think it is better to learn to live with it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.