In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development

In contemporary nations, people keep immigrating from rural areas to modern urban. Personally, I believe that

this

results in catastrophic problems. Immigration to megacities can bring about numerous drawbacks. To start with, people are moving to cities in order to seek job and educational opportunities and recreational facilities which can immediately lead to urban sprawl.

That is

, more and more high-rise apartments and public transport have to be provided in demand of

this

overpopulation.

Therefore

, there will be inadequate housing and facilities for these city dwellers. Take Tehran (the capital of Iran) as an example. Nowadays, Tehran is a concrete jungle. Overpopulation in

this

city not only has led to inadequate accommodation but

also

has

initially

resulted in a second thorny issue which is

traffic

congestion.

Furthermore

, people who live in megacities encounter bumper-to-bumper

traffic

every single day. To clarify, inefficient public transport and loads of private cars on the streets are the most potential factors for

this

traffic

issue.

For instance

, when you want to drive from the west part of Tehran to the east part, you will mire in standstill

traffic

which takes at least three hours to arrive at your destination. What’s more,

this

massive exodus from land to cities may bring about abandoned countryside.

This

means that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

more agrarian is abandoning their farms and lands in order to fill job vacancies in cities where they can gain more money.

However

, leaving farms behind results in less cultivation and a shortage in food supply.

Hence

, the less cultivation and productivity, the more food scarcity and dependency on other societies.

To conclude

, immigration from the countryside to the megacities leads to so many downsides

such

traffic

congestion, inadequate housing, and food shortage.

Therefore

, I am totally convinced that

this

is a negative improvement.

Submitted by aradzandieh.dvm on Tue Jun 04 2024

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task response

While your essay addresses the main points of the topic effectively, consider providing a more balanced view by discussing any potential positive aspects, even if you ultimately disagree with them. This would demonstrate your ability to critically evaluate all sides of the issue.

coherence cohesion

Ensure clarity in your writing by avoiding unnecessary repetition and making sure your arguments flow logically from one to the next. For instance, the points about urban sprawl and traffic congestion could be more cohesively linked.

task response

Your essay includes specific examples, such as the situation in Tehran, to support your arguments. This strengthens the response and makes your points more relatable and convincing.

coherence cohesion

You effectively use transitional phrases like "To start with," "Furthermore," and "What’s more" to guide readers through your arguments. This aids in the readability and flow of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

296 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

6.5

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

rural-to-urban migration
population shift
positive impact
negative impact
urbanization
job opportunities
access to education
access to healthcare
urban infrastructure
rural traditions
cultural heritage

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In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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