IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There is a view that using a
computer
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 on a daily basis might affect
children
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 more negatively than positively.
While
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 some people argue in favour, I personally oppose
this
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 notion as
computers
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 are useful for
children
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, if they are used in the right way.
To begin
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 with,
computers
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 are helpful for learning. Many students
service
Verb problem
use
show examples
 them to do homework, watch educational videos, and search for information.
For example
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, some
children
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 learn English by utilising apps or watching lessons on YouTube.
Also
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, using a
computer
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 can help them learn useful skills like typing and using the internet, which are important for the future. In some schools,
children
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 even use
computers
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 in class to write essays or make presentations.
This
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 shows that technology can support education in many different ways.
However
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, using a
computer
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 on a daily basis for a long
time
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 can be harmful. Kids may spend too much
time
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 playing online games or watching videos
instead
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 of studying or doing physical activities.
This
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 can lead to problems like weak eyesight, back pain, or becoming overweight.
In addition
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, if
children
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 use
computers
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 alone, they may not talk much with their family and friends in real life, which can affect their social life. Sometimes young people
also
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 see content online
that is
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 not good for their age, which can affect their thinking or behaviour. Without guidance, they might develop bad habits, like using the
computer
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 late at night or avoiding homework. In conclusion,
although
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computers
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 have many advantages, there are
also
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 drawbacks to
that
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Parents and teachers should help
children
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 use
computers
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 for learning and
also
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 make
time
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 for exercise, reading books, and spending
time
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 with others.

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task achievement
Expand on your ideas in each paragraph. Provide more examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs are clearly connected and flow smoothly from one to another.
coherence and cohesion
Try to add a few more details in your introduction and conclusion to strengthen your main points.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You have a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
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