some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Several people discuss that
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
sentiment of contrast between kids should be abetted. While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
others think teenagers who are instructed to participate
instead
Linking Words
of rivalry are going to be more helpful in adulthood. In my opinion, both groups have interesting ideas and there are some benefits and drawbacks which I want to argue about. On the one hand, the context of competition has
Add an article
the advantage
an advantage
show examples
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
as when children play together to
Correct your spelling
achieve
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
a prize, they have to deal with issues and
that
Linking Words
is improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
their strength,
thus
Linking Words
, in the
future
Add a comma
,future
show examples
they are going to solve problems in their lives,
for example
Linking Words
, they can be independent in their
mid age
Add a hyphen
mid-age
show examples
, and they do not panicking when they want to find a job, which is needed to be more flexible and calm when going to a job interview.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
sense
is not brings
Change the verb form
is not brought
is not bringing
show examples
cooperation skills,
therefore
Linking Words
, these kids will not able to join cooperating jobs, which is
neede
Correct your spelling
needed
need
to help
eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
as a team.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, pupils who learned to participate in
Correct your spelling
teamwork
teamworks
Correct your spelling
teamwork
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can easily find friends and colleagues in the future when they are working in big
Correct your spelling
companies
componies
Correct your spelling
companies
and firms, where their
supervisor’s
Change noun form
supervisors
show examples
ask them to work as a group, these individuals can conveniently deal with their assignments.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there is a negative point, which is they can not independent because they had not experienced finding solutions alone.
For instance
Linking Words
, when I was younger, I used to play with my teammates and
this
Linking Words
experience helped me a lot,
although
Linking Words
, I can not play solo sports very well as a
concequence
Correct your spelling
consequence
of collaboration. To conclude, it depends on
ourselves
Correct pronoun usage
us
show examples
to choose which of these two procedures.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are advantages and disadvantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
both ideas which I discussed.
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: