Some people believe that success is about hard work and determination. Others think that success has a connection with money and personal appearance. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. (Steve no copyright)

Whether persistent effort and unwavering resolve or richness and physical
appearance
play a more important role in the path to success in ongoing controversial discussion points.
This
writer maintains that it is more beneficial for humans to prioritise their attention to diligent labour and resolute perseverance
due to
skill development and resilience rather than financial resources and outward presentation to receive the respect of others as a means to achieve attainment. It must be recognized that tenacious dedication and relentless effort in developing skills assume a more pivotal role in the journey to achieving any goals.
This
arises from the inherent correlation between diligence and the progressive development and refinement of individuals' skills over time. Through the diligent pursuit of mastery in a specific field or profession, citizens cultivate expertise, enabling them to overcome challenges with unwavering commitment to continuous improvement.
As a consequence
, if persons embrace diligence as their guiding principle, they are likely to make substantial progress in both personal and professional pursuits.
Thus
, they will reach levels of skill and achievement that match their steadfast dedication to excellence. Take Messi and Ronaldo, two world-famous football stars as a contextual example, they have to train harshly before excelling themselves. Some people,
however
, suggest that finance and
appearance
hold greater importance when it comes to achieving advancement. There is a belief that possessing wealth and an attractive
appearance
can gain greater respect from others, facilitating the maintenance of relationships and thereby leading to more easily achieving their target, which, in turn, can facilitate the maintenance of relationships and thereby lead to more easily achieved achievement.
While
this
is a valid point, without effort and determination, beauty and prosperity will gradually fade away, transforming initial impressions into doubt and breaking relationships, making progress seem distant.
Conversely
, intellectuals like Helen Keller and Thomas Edison achieved great accomplishments despite being handicapped and impoverished, respectively. From the observational perspective, another advantageous point is that individuals with industry and spirit are usually flexible with failures and challenges.
This
is because consistently working hard and maintaining determination even when faced with obstacles helps build mental endurance.
Instead
of giving up, they analyze their mistakes, learn from them, and try again.
Consequently
,
this
emotional stability assists them navigate through difficult times without being overwhelmed by stress or anxiety and turns potential defeats into learning experiences, which is the fundamental basis of the route to achievement. Taking everything into account, it has shown that competence advancement and adaptability crucial determinants of accomplishments, rather than the transient recognition from peers.
Therefore
, people should prioritize hard work and determination over-relying on property and
appearance
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task achievement
While the response is generally effective, ensure that each supporting point directly addresses the essay question. This will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Clarify complex sentences to avoid potential confusion for the reader. Simplifying your ideas without losing meaning can enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Using a wider variety of sentence structures can add interest to your writing and demonstrate your language proficiency.
introduction conclusion present
Clear introduction and conclusion that frame the essay well.
relevant specific examples
Good use of examples, such as Messi and Ronaldo, which help illustrate points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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