IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some parents believe that reading entertainment books is a waste of time. In their opinion, children should read only serious, educational books. Do you agree or dis agree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own experience.

#parents #entertainment #books #waste #time #children #dis
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According to
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 some parents, reading
entertainment
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books
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 is a waste of time for
children
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. These parents believe that
children
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 should only read serious and educational
books
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. I completely disagree with
this
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 viewpoint because reading
entertainment
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books
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 improves the imaginative
power
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 of
children
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, and
children
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 get some
entertainment
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 by reading these
books
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.
Entertainment
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books
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 are full of stories, novels and poems, which improve the
power
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 of imagination of
children
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.
Children
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 can develop their own style of imagination by reading these
books
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.
As a result
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, reading
entertainment
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books
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 develops their way of thinking and
power
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 of analysing things, which eventually helps to improve the academic performance of
children
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 at school.
For instance
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, in Australia, those
children
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, who read
entertainment
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books
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 on a regular basis have better imaginative
power
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 and perform better at school than those who do not.
Moreover
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, reading
entertainment
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books
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 helps to entertain
children
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.
Entertainment
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books
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 are full of excitement, pleasure, amusements, and adventures which are suitable for the age of
children
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. Age-appropriate
entertainment
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 provides
children
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 with some healthy
entertainment
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 and refreshes their minds.
Therefore
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,
children
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 can have a break from their studies and have some pleasure and
entertainment
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 by reading these
books
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.
For example
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, in Japan,
children
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 mainly love to read
entertainment
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books
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 because they provide them with a break from their monotonous studies. In conclusion, I completely disagree with the statement that reading
entertainment
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books
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 is a waste of time for
children
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. Reading
entertainment
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books
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 improves the imaginative
power
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 of
children
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 and provides them with a break from their studies.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to enhance the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
Consider adding a counter-argument and refuting it to demonstrate critical thinking and a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly express and wrap up the main argument.
task achievement
Clear stance on the topic and comprehensive reasoning, making your argument compelling.
task achievement
Good use of examples from Australia and Japan to support your points effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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