In spite of the advances in medicine, many people around the world still die of easily preventable diseases. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #medicine #people #world #diseases #case

In recent years, medicine has progressed enormously but

still

Add a comma

,still

show examples

the highest death rate is related to preventable diseases.

This

essay will examine the main causes of

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

problems and possible solutions.

To begin

reaserches

Correct your spelling

researchers

researches

shows most of

these preventable disease

Change the determiner

this preventable disease

these preventable diseases

show examples

are

multifactonal

Correct your spelling

multifactorial

. means, the onset and progression of these

Correct your spelling

diseases

disease

diseaes

Correct your spelling

diseases

depends

Correct subject-verb agreement

depend

show examples

on several factors

such

as genetics and lifestyle. In recent decades people’s lifestyles have changed to processed and fast food and sedentary lifestyle.

For

example

Add a comma

,example

show examples

nowadays in USA cardiovascular

Correct your spelling

diseases

disease

diseaes

Correct your spelling

disease

is o0ne of

most

Correct article usage

the most

show examples

important reasons

Change preposition

for

show examples

people’s death. That

associated

Add a missing verb

is associated

show examples

with genetics , stress and

kind

Correct article usage

the kind

show examples

nutintion

Correct your spelling

nutrition

and activity rate of people.

Although

obviously the role of genetics cannot be changed. But health sector s can promote people’s

Correct your spelling

knowledge

knowloedge

Correct your spelling

knowledge

and culture about having healthy nutrition and doing daily and regular exercises.

Moreover

Add a comma

,Moreover

show examples

stress management techniques could be

Correct your spelling

taught

tough

thought

tought

Correct your spelling

taught

to people. To conclude, to prevent most preventable and

chranic

Correct your spelling

chronic

Correct your spelling

diseases

disease

diseaes

Correct your spelling

diseases

prevention medicine plays an essential role.

Thus

by promoting awareness among people about

proper

Add an article

the proper

show examples

lifestyle we can see a significant decrease in the death of these diseases.

Submitted by fa.banihashem on Tue Aug 16 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

179 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
In some countries, more and more adults are living with their parents after graduating from college , University or even after finding a job. Do the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?
In recent years, more and more house rent fees have been raised. For this reason, individuals tend to live with their parents in some countries. I think that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
5.5
band
Some eople believe that the radio is more enjoyable and practical than TV. Do you agree ?
In this contemporary era, while television has become the primary entertainment medium for many people, some individuals favour radio. I adopt the latter point of view because TV needs large and special equipments to operate while radio can be used almost anywhere. Moreover, watching pectoral programs for long periods can deteriorate the sight of a patient.
5.5
band
Today, many people do not know their neighbours in large cities. What problems does this cause? What ccan be done about this?
In contenporary society, almost citizens are not concerned about the appearance of their neighbours. The prime reason for this stance of their hectic life and sense of selfishness of each other, yet it can be solved by people should usually organize more and more ceremonies in their area.
7.5
band
Restoration of old buildings in main cities involves enormous government expenditure. It would be more beneficial to spend this money to build new houses and roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In today's contemporary era, governments around the globe are spending huge amounts on restoring traditional structures which some people think is not right. They believe these finances should be spent on developing modern infrastructure instead. However, in my opinion, I strongly think that governments should allocate funds judiciously as both are vital components of the economy.
5
band
Some people say that it is individual responsibility to protect the environment while others say it is the government's primary role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There are various irreversable threats to our eco-system. Safe-guarding our environment has become a major concern. It is highly debatable, as to whose responsibility it is? Many people believe that it is an individuals responsibilty, on the other hand, others feel it should be only the government's concern.

In spite of the advances in medicine, many people around the world still die of easily preventable diseases. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

Fully explain your ideas

In some countries, more and more adults are living with their parents after graduating from college , University or even after finding a job. Do the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

Some eople believe that the radio is more enjoyable and practical than TV. Do you agree ?

Today, many people do not know their neighbours in large cities. What problems does this cause? What ccan be done about this?

Restoration of old buildings in main cities involves enormous government expenditure. It would be more beneficial to spend this money to build new houses and roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that it is individual responsibility to protect the environment while others say it is the government's primary role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.