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Writing Samples
Band 3

In spite of the advances in medicine, many people around the world still die of easily preventable diseases. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #medicine #people #world #diseases #case
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In recent years, medicine has progressed enormously but
still
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,still
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 the highest death rate is related to preventable diseases.
This
 essay will examine the main causes of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 problems and possible solutions.
To begin
,
reaserches
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researchers
researches
 shows most of
these preventable disease
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this preventable disease
these preventable diseases
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 are
multifactonal
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multifactorial
. means, the onset and progression of these
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diseases
disease
diseaes
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diseases
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
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 on several factors
such
 as genetics and lifestyle. In recent decades people’s lifestyles have changed to processed and fast food and sedentary lifestyle.
For
example
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,example
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 nowadays in USA cardiovascular
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diseases
disease
diseaes
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disease
 is o0ne of
most
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the most
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 important reasons
of
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for
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 people’s death. That
associated
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is associated
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 with genetics , stress and
kind
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the kind
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 of
nutintion
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nutrition
 and activity rate of people.
Although
 obviously the role of genetics cannot be changed. But health sector s can promote people’s
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knowledge
knowloedge
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knowledge
 and culture about having healthy nutrition and doing daily and regular exercises.
Moreover
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,Moreover
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 stress management techniques could be
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taught
tough
thought
tought
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taught
 to people. To conclude, to prevent most preventable and
chranic
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chronic
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diseases
disease
diseaes
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diseases
 prevention medicine plays an essential role.
Thus
 by promoting awareness among people about
proper
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the proper
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 lifestyle we can see a significant decrease in the death of these diseases.
Submitted by fa.banihashem on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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