IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?

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There have always been arguments about whether qualities are the result of experiences or
people
Correct word choice
whether people
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 are born with
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.
However
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, in my opinion, I think they largely depend on the person’s process of growing rather than being born with and can not be changed. On one hand, the only thing a person
have
Change the verb form
has
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 after being born is their body and everything within it.
Thus
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, an individual’s personality can not be the outcome of their genetics but
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instead
Add a comma
instead,
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 it ought to be transformed throughout their lifetime with experiences and achievements.
Additionally
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, having a beautiful body, especially
face
Correct article usage
a face
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, can not give
the
Correct article usage
a
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 person a better life compared to others but it
also
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 depends on other factors
such
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 as being
knowledgable
Correct your spelling
knowledgeable
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 or
social
Add a missing verb
having social
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 relationships.
For example
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, even though they are able to change body parts
due to
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 the development of medical studies, the surgery can not interfere
the
Change preposition
with the
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 patient’s perspective and way of thinking,
not to mention
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 their personality.
On the other hand
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, I strongly agree that it is accomplishments and events that
happened
Wrong verb form
happen
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 throughout our growth
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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what
Correct word choice
that
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defines
Correct subject-verb agreement
define
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 a person’s qualities. If everyone follows the same instructions and rules in order to achieve perfectness, it will create nothing but boredom and similarity among the society,
hence
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 can not stimulate development in each individual. What is more, personality is mostly
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
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 by habits being repeated day by day
as well as
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 their perspectives in life.
For instance
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, one who is loaded with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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emergency skills
as well as
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 being aware of helping others are more likely to save people who are in danger.
To sum up
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, despite opposing perspectives about whether personalities and developments
is
Change the verb form
are
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 influenced by what people are born with or by their experiences, I believe that it is the result of daily habits and what they have
came
Change the form of the verb
come
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 across throughout their lifetime.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a fair level of coherence and cohesion, with a clear logical structure and supported main points. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed to provide a comprehensive overview of your argument.
task achievement
Your essay adequately addresses the task by presenting a clear response and showcasing a variety of relevant specific examples. However, it would benefit from further development to ensure a more comprehensive and clear presentation of ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • nature vs. nurture debate
  • genetic inheritance
  • personality traits
  • behavior patterns
  • heritability
  • twins studies
  • malleable characteristics
  • upbringing
  • environmental influences
  • critical periods
  • language acquisition
  • worldview
  • innate traits
  • personal experiences
  • psychological development
  • epigenetics
  • adaptive behaviors
  • cultural imprinting
  • temperament
  • social conditioning
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