IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

You are about to move to an English-speaking country to study. You have a friend living there and you want to find a part-time job. Write a letter to your friend - Explaining your scholar plans, - Your reasons to get a part-time job, - Suggest how he/she can help you finding a job.

#move #country #study #friend #job #scholar #plans
Dear Robert, I hope
this
 email finds you in radiant health and you are doing well. I am writing
this
 email to inform you about my study plan
as well as
 some information about a part-time
job
 that I need during my stay in
Australia
.
To begin
 with, I am going to pursue my Master of Business Administration majoring in Human Resource Management at Queensland University,
Australia
 where classes will be commencing
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the next month.
Besides
, I am really over the moon as I got a 50% scholarship from the university for
this
 course. As you have been living in
Australia
 since 2022, I firmly believe that I will get support from you regarding a part-time
job
.
Although
 I got a 50% scholarship, it is not enough for me to bear the rest of the living
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 here in
Australia
.
This
 is because you are highly requested to arrange a part-time
job
 for me near the university campus. Since you have been working in a multinational company as a talent acquisition professional, I believe that you will be able to find a part-time
job
 for me as you have a good connection with numerous local and multinational companies in
Australia
. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Yours lovingly, Thomas
Submitted by faisalmahamood on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses a separate point or aspect of your letter as you have done. This helps maintain clarity and focus throughout your writing.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a range of cohesive devices and transition words to link your ideas more effectively. While your letter is well-structured, employing more varied linguistic tools can enhance readability and coherence.
task achievement
Your letter successfully covers all the bullet points mentioned in the task. However, you could improve by detailing your study plan more extensively and discussing how the specific course aligns with your career goals.
task achievement
Maintain the informal yet respectful tone as you did, which is suitable for writing to a friend. Consider using more expressive language to convey your excitement, concerns, and reliance on your friend's assistance more vividly.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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