IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of healt and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the cause of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #weight #people #levels #healt #fitness #measures #answers
In several countries, the average weight of individuals is growing and they are not healthy and fit like before. In my opinion,
this
 problem is due to
Correct your spelling
globalisation
globalization
Correct article usage
the globalistation
show examples
globalistation
Correct your spelling
globalisation
 of refreshments and technology. On the one hand, nowadays the majority of people are hauling with vehicles like cars and buses, while in the past people had to walk or run for a living because there were no cars or types of machinery like now.
Furthermore
, people are lazier these days because they are eating fast foods and unhealthy meals which is really dangerous,
also
 they do not care about their bodies,
for instance
, my friends, they do not willing to exercise and when I asked them about it, they just said that it is hard to train and we do not have a strong motivation to do it.
On the other hand
, governments have to alter some laws about overweight,
for example
, they should not recruit fat folks for important jobs
such
 as police officers, because they are not able to do
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 or tough work.
Moreover
, there are too many advertisements on the internet, like Instagram or websites which is showing unhealthy foods as delicious and luxury dishes, indeed these meals have been damaging our health,
thus
, governments have to do something because if they do not concern about these circumstances, it would probably influence our lives and big issues will be happening in the future. To conclude, there are some
procedure
Fix the agreement mistake
procedures
show examples
 to cease overweight
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals,
however
, if we do not concern about ourselves, no one will not able to help us.
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: