IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that mobile phone is harmful for children, while others disagree or agree. Discuss both view and give your opinion

It is argued that mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 makes the young
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
cause harm while others think that it is not.
This
Linking Words
 writer
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 that
children
Use synonyms
 can be addicted or not if they use
for
Correct pronoun usage
it for
show examples
 educational purposes. There can be
doubt
Add an article
a doubt
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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addiction is the main reason why
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphone
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phone
Use synonyms
 harmful for each child.
In other words
Linking Words
, when
children
Use synonyms
 play
game
Add an article
the game
a game
show examples
 just
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 or win, which make
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
determine to focus on
game
Add an article
the game
show examples
 so as to increase the rank, they want. It is impossible to prevent
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 from the internet world.
For example
Linking Words
, the sociality problem cannot solve which is
permit
Fix the infinitive
to permit
show examples
 the young to utilize for entertaining in other nations.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, a small minority think that modern mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will
good
Add a missing verb
be good
show examples
 for
children
Use synonyms
 if they utilize for education. After school the kid is always complaining about the instructions of
teacher
Add an article
the teacher
show examples
, so they can search
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 best method which
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to collect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge and attempt to know issues. The same thing, if the homework is incomprehensible, the young will print the ask question
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the internet which could analyze the problem and
led
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to the consequence of
this
Linking Words
instead
Linking Words
 of copying or cheating another homework by
any way
Replace the word
anyway
show examples
. In my opinion, I think that parents should tolerate their son or daughter
to use
Change the verb form
using
show examples
 the
phone
Use synonyms
 just call dad and mom take
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to go back home easily. For evidence, the
children
Use synonyms
 drink milk tea
in
Add a hyphen
in-store
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store
Correct article usage
the store
show examples
 with their friends or acquaintances, if they want to come back home, they get
Use synonyms
phone
Correct article usage
the phone
show examples
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
parent's
Change the noun form
parents
parent
show examples
 and call.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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