Workers often have to retire at the age of 60 or 65. However, some people say that they should be allowed to continue working as long as they want. What is your opinion on this?

#workers #age #people

Globally, laws regarding what constitutes a healthy

retirement

age

seem to vary from one country to another. In countries like India or the UAE,

this

mandated

Correct article usage

a mandated

show examples

law, stipulating the

age

when a person is required to end their professional life. I feel compulsory

retirement

should not be legally enforced upon anyone except those working in positions where

age

could pose a significant safety risk to themselves or others. The following paragraphs will illustrate the merits of

this

position.

Firstly

, it should be remembered that

age

does not necessarily affect professional performance negatively. In fact, as is the case with writers,

age

can often bring

a certain wisdom

Remove the article

certain wisdom

a pearl of certain wisdom

show examples

that enhances the quality of an author’s work. Julia Donaldson, an extremely popular children’s book author now in her mid-eighties, continues to publish relevant and highly respected material despite her advanced years. If she was forced to halt her profession due to her

age

, her insight and decades of understanding would largely go unheard.

Thus

, for certain professions, one should be allowed to continue regardless of

age

However

, there are other lines of work that demand strict ruling in regard to

retirement

. Pilots,

for example

, must be able to execute decisions clearly without reservation or fatigue. Generally, it is witnessed on

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

average

most

Correct word choice

that most

show examples

human beings lose energy levels as they

age

. The reduced reflexes of pilots over the

age

of 65 could potentially risk the lives of hundreds of passengers, and

this

is obviously a serious safety risk.

Thus

, there are merits to enforcing a

retirement

age

upon people in certain professions. In conclusion, the

establishing

Replace the word

establishment

show examples

Remove the article

apply

show examples

mandatory

retirement

age

should be made specific to the profession in question. A policy to legally restrict should

be not be

Change the verb form

not be

show examples

generic but specific in nature. Ideally, a government policy that can enhance and maximize both the productivity and safety of

Remove the article

apply

show examples

society should

prioritized

Change the verb form

prioritize

be prioritized

show examples

Submitted by Toni R on Fri Aug 19 2022

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

312 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Workers often have to retire at the age of 60 or 65. However, some people say that they should be allowed to continue working as long as they want. What is your opinion on this?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some parents think computer games are better for children and they should be allowed to play more of them. whereas some parents argue that they are harmful to children.Do you think advantages outweight disadvantages.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house of building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Nowadays, some parents put a lot of pressure on their children. What are the reasons for parents doing that? Is this a positive or negative development for the children?

Some people believe that group learning is more beneficial and effective as compared to learning alone. I strongly agree with this view.

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities.