IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Write a letter to your friend asking him or her to take care of your childern while you are away on a business trip. In your letter, Write what they like to eat . Write how they would spend their time. Suggest an arrangement to pick them up after the trip.

#friend #care #childern #business #trip #time #arrangement
Dear Mr.John, I hope you're doing great! I'm writing
this
 message in order to tell you that I have to take an important work trip that my manager asked me for, and I will leave my kids with you on Friday, it will take 2 days only. Please try to offer them french toast for breakfast each day, and fried chicken for the launch.
That's
Unnecessary verb
That
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 would be enough because they often don't like to eat anything for dinner, and would prefer going to sleep very early.
at
Change preposition
In
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 their free time, they would love
getting
Change the verb form
to get
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 the chance to visit the public garden, there are a lot of activities that they can enjoy there
such
 as playing, walking, and trying to make new friends
while
 playing, so they can enjoy
thier
Correct your spelling
their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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. I will meet you at the
train
Change the verb form
training
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 centre to pick up the kids as I will arrive at 5.30 pm
in
Change the preposition
on
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 Sunday. Thank you for your help! see you soon Nouf, Best wishes,
Submitted by noufxmut on

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Task Achievement
Include more specific details about your arrival time or transportation plan to strengthen the letter.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider organizing the information more clearly into distinct paragraphs related to their activities and pick-up arrangement.
Task Achievement
You provided clear instructions on what the children like to eat, which is very helpful for John.
Suitable Writing Tone
The tone of the letter is friendly and appropriate for writing to a friend.
Greeting and Closing
The greeting and closing are well-structured, maintaining a polite and warm tone.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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