IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Write a letter to your friend asking him or her to take care of your childern while you are away on a business trip. In your letter, Write what they like to eat . Write how they would spend their time. Suggest an arrangement to pick them up after the trip.

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Dear Mr.John, I hope you're doing great! I'm writing
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 message in order to tell you that I have to take an important work trip that my manager asked me for, and I will leave my kids with you on Friday, it will take 2 days only. Please try to offer them french toast for breakfast each day, and fried chicken for the launch.
That's
Unnecessary verb
That

The verb 's appears to be unnecessary here.

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 would be enough because they often don't like to eat anything for dinner, and would prefer going to sleep very early.
at
Change preposition
In

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 their free time, they would love
getting
Change the verb form
to get

Getting doesn’t seem to work here.

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 the chance to visit the public garden, there are a lot of activities that they can enjoy there
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as playing, walking, and trying to make new friends
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 playing, so they can enjoy
thier
Correct your spelling
their

If you don’t want thier to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

times
Fix the agreement mistake
time

It seems that times may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. I will meet you at the
train
Change the verb form
training

The verb train should be in the participle form when used as an adjective. Consider changing the form of this verb.

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 centre to pick up the kids as I will arrive at 5.30 pm
in
Change the preposition
on

The preposition in may be incorrect. Consider changing it to another preposition.

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 Sunday. Thank you for your help! see you soon Nouf, Best wishes,

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Task Achievement
Include more specific details about your arrival time or transportation plan to strengthen the letter.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider organizing the information more clearly into distinct paragraphs related to their activities and pick-up arrangement.
Task Achievement
You provided clear instructions on what the children like to eat, which is very helpful for John.
Suitable Writing Tone
The tone of the letter is friendly and appropriate for writing to a friend.
Greeting and Closing
The greeting and closing are well-structured, maintaining a polite and warm tone.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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