IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people choose to have their first child at an older age. What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #first #child #age
More and more people decided to give birth at a later age in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Various reasons
together with
 advantages and disadvantages will be discussed in the essay In a way, an individual would like to be financially stable whether it's emotionally or financially. Raising a
child
 requires great effort and investment of your
time
. A person needs to be strong in heart and in mind,
in addition
,
invest
Change preposition
to investing
show examples
 funds to sustain the needs of a
child
.
Furthermore
, a person will have the
time
 to enjoy her
life
, she might be able to find her passion and can travel around
together with
 her peers. Once she gives birth, she won't have the
time
 to experience relaxation and entertainment, for the reason, that she will devote her
life
 to raising her
child
.
In addition
, if a person has many dreams or goals needed to achieve, it is essential that she has to obtain them, in order for her not to feel regret as
time
 goes by. Being successful in your career will bring fulfilment in your
life
, and you can
also
 gain knowledge of your
success
Fix the agreement mistake
successes
show examples
 and failures
while
 achieving it. Later on, once you
decided
Wrong verb form
decide
show examples
 to settle down and have kids, it will be a great lesson to impart to your children to have a better future when they get older.
However
, getting pregnant
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 old age may cause complications, not just for the mother but
also
 for the
child
 that she carries, but with certain precautions, it is possible that it might
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
 avoided. To summarize, in my opinion, the advantages of late pregnancy exceed the disadvantages. Surely, it might be dangerous but as long as preparedness and willingness to raise a
child
 are present, nothing is impossible.
Submitted by angelica on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure the essay addresses both the reasons for having children at an older age and weighs the advantages against the disadvantages clearly. The introduction should briefly outline both elements before delving deeper into each point in the main body.
task achievement
Try to develop your examples further to support your points more effectively. Adding specific scenarios or data can help illustrate your arguments better.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the cohesion of your essay by using linking words and phrases more effectively. This will make the flow between sentences and paragraphs smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to include a clear and concise conclusion that summarizes the key points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Your main ideas are clear and comprehensive, contributing to a good understanding of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, and ideas are presented in a coherent order, making it easy for the reader to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: