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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case ? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development.

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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It is true that
smartphone
Use synonyms
 has an imperative role to play in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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contemporary society.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is more common to see
children
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to
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apply
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have their own
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smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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 than before. While some parents
harbor
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harbour
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 a belief that it is normal and even conducive to their child; others hold the reverse viewpoints. From my perspective, it is a controversial topic which deserves an in-depth discussion.
Initially
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, the front and
center
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centre
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 in its
favor
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favour
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is
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are
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 that mobile enables
children
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 to absorb and learn massive information happened or happening through different online resources.
For example
Linking Words
, even a baby can be familiar with the melodies of popular songs simply through
Use synonyms
smartphone
Add an article
a smartphone
the smartphone
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. And teenagers can self-learn what they really are interested in
over
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in
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 the hyper-connected world without any physical limitations.
Moreover
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, it
believed
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is believed
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 that with appropriate use of smart-mobile, adolescents can alleviate their stress from studying or socializing, etc.
For instance
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,
children
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 can easily find any music or
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come
comes
comed
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came
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 from lots of streaming media
such
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 as Youtube to release their pressure. Or they can talk to
whoever
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whomever
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 they want to pour their trouble out at
anytime
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any time
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 and anyplace. These compelling proofs indicate that with apposite use of
Use synonyms
Add an article
a smartphone
the smartphone
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smartphone
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smartphones
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,
children
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 can benefit through
this
Linking Words
 perfect medium. At the other end of the spectrum,
such
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 a pivotal role does instruction
of
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on
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 proper using cellphone plays in developing
children
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’s mental and physical health. Parents occasionally realize the extent to which most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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teenager
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teenagers
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 dwell in cyberspace because of incorrect recognition.
For example
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, most
of
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apply
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kids
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the kids
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 would be addicted to online games which may waste their treasury time and even cause myopia.
Besides
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 the aforementioned, without healthy and mature mental conditions,
children
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 can be easily and latently affected by
the
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apply
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misleading information or even illegal news which may cause
harmful
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a harmful
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impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
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to
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on
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 their minds. Based on
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such
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the such
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 potentially negative
effect
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effects
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 on kids,
the
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apply
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adult should properly guide their
children
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how
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on how
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 to use the
smartphone
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 correctly. In sum, improperly using the
smart-mobile
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smart mobile
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 certainly has many demerits in the development of
children
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;
However
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, with
suitable
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a suitable
the suitable
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guide
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guidance
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, I personally believe that the advantages of smartphones far outweigh those disadvantages. As a proverb
saying
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says
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: ‘’If I have seen
further
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, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants”. To make
greater
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a greater
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 contribution to
the
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apply
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human society, it is reasonable to do it by the wisdom of the past.
Submitted by ccgoabroad on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: