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Band 4.5

Some people believe that smartphones are destroying social interactions today. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #smartphones #interactions
In the present time,
smartphones
 are used widely by individuals as devices for communication with others.
However
, they are believed to disrupt real conversations and obstruct society from forming new relationships. I personally disagree with the statement since I view them as a major method to connect individuals and stimulation for the public to start communicating. 
To begin
 with,
smartphones
 allow
people
 from different backgrounds to connect and reconnect. Applications like Facebook and Line provide a way for
people
 to start their relationships and even keep them going.
For example
, after I moved to the capital city of Thailand,Bangkok, I hardly was able to meet
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my
friends
 in person. Luckily, there were Facebook and Line which allow me to contact my
friends
.
Furthermore
, I can
also
 befriend
with
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apply
show examples
my
friends
' new
friends
 by adding them
onto
Change preposition
to
show examples
 my
friend's
Change noun form
friend
show examples
 lists.  Even though some
people
 might think that
smartphones
 have affected how to interact properly, I perceive them as a modern and fresh way to build a relationship.  
Secondly
, since social interactions can
be make
Change the verb form
be made
show examples
 both online and offline,
smartphones
 have their way of function to serve
people
 with convenience. Interactions can be made anywhere and everywhere easily since phone signals and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 are common.
Besides
, advancement in technology has paved
its
Change the word
the
show examples
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
 for the public to Facetime with others.
Therefore
, provide them opportunities to converse face to face even from a huge distance away.
For instance
, during my time abroad I could call my mom right away from either home or other public places. To conclude, even
smartphones
Correct word choice
though smartphones
show examples
 are thought to be a destruction of social interactions these days by some, I strongly disagree and believe that their benefits are to help
people
 connect easily and conveniently.
Submitted by poonpunchy on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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