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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many children nowadays are spending more and more time inside rather than outside. Is this a positive or negative trend? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your knowledge or experience

In
contemporary
Add an article
the contemporary
a contemporary
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 day ,a highly controversial issue whether
relate
Change the verb form
relating
show examples
 to
Correct your spelling
children
children's
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 who are staying a long
time
Use synonyms
 inside their homes ,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 some people
view
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 positive , while others believe that
are bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 consequence negatives. I personally, advocate
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the statement
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
children
Use synonyms
 must spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 inside .In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
Correct your spelling
I am
Iam
Correct your spelling
I am
 going to examine the phenomenon from both
Use synonyms
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
 and I will support my ideas with real-
relvant
Correct your spelling
relevant
 examples.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, recently many believers argue that
children
Use synonyms
 spending most of their
time
Use synonyms
practice
Change the form of the verb
practicing
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
activities
Use synonyms
 inside
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 homes ,
therefore
Linking Words
 they
are consider
Change the verb form
consider
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 so crucial and positive .The main reason for believing
that is
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 can be safer when they were inside
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because their parents would watch them .
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 the
activities
Use synonyms
 which are
doing
Wrong verb form
done
show examples
 inside quietly organized and undergo
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 many comfortable roles in which
children
Use synonyms
 feel that they
are not restrict
Change the verb form
are not restricted
show examples
 with any
challanges
Correct your spelling
challenges
challenge
.
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A good
Agood
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A good
 illustration
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is that many families provide suitable
activities
Use synonyms
 that fit their
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 attitudes and interests .
Moreover
Linking Words
, inside
activities
Use synonyms
are enhance
Change the verb form
enhance
show examples
 social bond for
Correct your spelling
children
children's
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
,
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
Linking Words
last
Change the article
the last
show examples
 survey
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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conducted in different schools are obvious that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Add an article
the children
show examples
 who are spending their
time
Use synonyms
 inside could
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be successful more than others who are spending their
time
Use synonyms
 outdoor.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some opponents
view
Use synonyms
 that the outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
children
Use synonyms
requires
Change the verb form
require
show examples
 to be out may bring downsides for them .The critical reason for that claim is that
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 face some climate
factulation
Correct your spelling
actuation
 which
hinder
Correct subject-verb agreement
hinders
show examples
 them to be comfortable .
Furthermore
Linking Words
, staying out for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 may affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
children
Use synonyms
's
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 who are spending
Correct your spelling
a long
show examples
along
Correct your spelling
a long
show examples
time
Use synonyms
faraway
Correct your spelling
far away
show examples
 from their shelter so
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may feel tedious and that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them feel tired. In conclusion, In the modern day, many arguments are obvious that there are different
view
Use synonyms
 sides which assert
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the importance of spending
children
Use synonyms
 their
activities
Use synonyms
 inside, while others
view
Use synonyms
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outdoor activity is negative .In my opinion, staying and
practice
Replace the word
practising
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 are
regard
Wrong verb form
regarded
show examples
the
Change preposition
as the
show examples
 suitable place for
children
Use synonyms
 to be safer and
peaceful
Correct quantifier usage
more peaceful
show examples
 .

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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