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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Academic Graph charts show various activities in a US office in 1980 , 2000

Academic Graph charts show various activities in a US office in 1980 , 2000
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The flow chart illustrates how
sugar
Use synonyms
 is been processed from
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane in seven different steps.
Overall
Linking Words
, as per the schema chart,
sugar
Use synonyms
 production involves several steps
such
Linking Words
 as growing, harvesting, crushing, purifying
juice
Use synonyms
, evaporating, centrifuging, and drying and cooling. In the very beginning, the
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane plant must be planted. The gestation period to become mature to harvest is 12- 18 months. After these long months, the pants are harvested either by machinery or manually.
Then
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 it is taken to crush in a crushing machine to produce
juice
Use synonyms
 and later the yield
juice
Use synonyms
 is purified using a limestone filter. After the
juice
Use synonyms
 is been purified, it is
then
Linking Words
 heated in a container in order to convert it to syrup. The process is called evaporation.
Further
Linking Words
, the syrup is centrifuged to segregate
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals from the syrup.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the final step involved drying and cooling the
sugar
Use synonyms
 that was yielded from centrifugation. These are all the steps required to produce
sugar
Use synonyms
.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, juice with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • traditional activities
  • digital activities
  • emergence
  • significant changes
  • technological progress
  • business practices
  • evolving communication methods
  • surprising findings
  • shaped
  • speculate
  • observed data
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