IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that pop stars are being paid too much money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #pop #stars #money
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often said that celebrities who work in the entertainment industry
such
Linking Words
 as
pop
Use synonyms
 stars are being paid too much.
Although
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 might think like that, I believe there are several factors to advocate for what they deserve. On the one hand,
such
Linking Words
 entertainment may bring lots of positive sides into
people
Use synonyms
's lives.
First
Linking Words
 of all, when
people
Use synonyms
 listen to those songs, they can get out of the boredom and let their bodies feel the beat which can be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a way to reduce stress.
For example
Linking Words
, listening to
pop
Use synonyms
 music while studying can help relax the brain and focus on the creative side of things,
people
Use synonyms
 will find it as an element to raise their concentration.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
pop
Use synonyms
 stars give many inspiration and motivation through the lyrics in their songs, and because of those,
people
Use synonyms
 are able to hope for a better life.
However
Linking Words
, there are still some types of jobs that should be highly paid. One of those is soldiers who devote their lives to their job. The way they are being paid more is considered as a little appreciation that the governments and citizens give to them, and they can use that money to take care of their families when they are not with them. In the
second
Linking Words
 place is sanitation workers, they have given too much of their time and their health but they have not deserved what they earn. Due to them, the environment can be clean and green but their salary is still not as high as what they give. In conclusion, I personally believe that paying huge amounts to
pop
Use synonyms
 stars is equivalent to wasting resources that can be utilized in a better way.
Instead
Linking Words
 of that, those jobs that are devoted to countries should have a higher salary since their important role in society
Submitted by nguyenminhman21691 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: