the movements of people making a big problems for the big cities and farms

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The changing of society to move from farms to big municipalities is causing issues in both places.

However

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, in my opinion, the community needs to be near the services and that creates problems for the crowds who live in the countryside and

also

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in cities. On the one hand, an opportunity now in port makes folk to movement to another area without noting the problem they are making in that place.

In addition

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, the places where nobody lives make the income of the country become less

due to

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the population choosing to live in conurbation but the countryside should have a population.

For example

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, when you leave your home for one week and

then

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you back you will see the difference in your house because you lift it and when you lift anything without life that means the different things you will see in the same place.

On the other hand

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, the capital has become more modern and that clear reason why the nation needs to find a jobs or better life

also

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creates a lot of chances for the population to get what they want in that place.

Moreover

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, the person who lives in a city and wants to earn money in that area is the correct one to get the services.

For instance

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, when you live on a farm that means the big downtown has a hard issue to solve because the metropolis makes dirty air and that damages the plants and trees.

To sum up

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, I believe that society needs to move but carefully with the environment

due to

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the services in the countries a lot of things come from the farms but with these problems, we will make a bad lifestyle for our community around the world.

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task achievement

Your introduction presents your main idea, but it could be clearer with a more defined thesis statement that outlines the specific problems caused by the movement from farms to cities.

coherence and cohesion

In your body paragraphs, try to outline a clearer logical structure. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by examples and explanations.

coherence and cohesion

Some sentences are difficult to understand due to unclear phrasing. Try to simplify your expressions for clarity and ensure your ideas flow logically from one to the next.

task achievement

Work on providing more relevant examples that directly illustrate your points—this will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your arguments.

task achievement

Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and acknowledges both sides of the argument, which is commendable.

task achievement

You include some interesting insights about the impact of urbanization on air quality and rural life.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

291 words

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the movements of people making a big problems for the big cities and farms

Your opinion

Some employers want to be able to contact their staff all the time including holidays. Do you think the advantages of this are more than its disadvantages?

On a recent holiday, you lost a valuable item. Fortunately you have travel insurance to cover the cost of anything lost. Write a letter to the manager of the company – describe the item lost – explain how you lost it – tell the insurance company what you would like them to do

Whether or not someone achieves aim in their life is mostly a question of luck. Do you agree or disagree?

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent years, there has been a rise in the use of performance-enhancing drugs in sports. What are the consequences of doping for athletes? What measures should be taken to combat this issue?