Some people think that success in life come from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.
Whether achievements in our lives are driven by industrious conscientiousness and determination or influenced by financial factors and outward
presentation
remains a subject of debate. This
writer asserts that success achieved through effort and hard work holds greater value than that solely based on financial status or physical attractiveness.
It is crucial to acknowledge that individuals
who are determined and hardworking can accumulate wealth
and enhance their personal image through their abilities. Such
individuals
can swiftly amass wealth
because they possess the determination required to generate income, a fundamental prerequisite for financial success. Moreover
, focusing on self-improvement is relatively straightforward in today's society.
Nevertheless
, critics argue that wealth
and presentation
are crucial for rapid advancement in certain professions. They contend that a favourable presentation
and financial stability are prerequisites for career progression, as people often respond positively to attractive and affluent individuals
. Additionally
, certain occupations, such
as flight attendants, receptionists, and customer service representatives, prioritize the hiring of visually appealing staff. Hence
, financial status and presentation
are considered indispensable in the job market.
While
this
viewpoint holds merit, diligent and determined workers can showcase their value and excel in their careers. It is evident that such
individuals
are likely to leverage their skills and experiences to make a positive impact in their work. By consistently delivering high-quality work, they can create favourable impressions and cultivate opportunities for professional growth and advancement.
Consequently
, academically inclined and hardworking individuals
possess the capabilities to compete with their wealthier and more visually appealing counterparts. In conclusion, while
wealth
and presentation
may facilitate job promotions and align with certain job requirements, educated and determined workers possess the ability and resilience necessary to achieve success.Submitted by khoi11nk11e on
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task achievement
Remember to include more varied examples that cover a broader range of contexts to demonstrate your argument. This will help in supporting your main points with more depth and relevance.
coherence cohesion
Using a wider range of linking devices could enhance the flow of your essay even further and provide a more seamless transition between ideas.
task achievement
Consider expanding on how success is not only defined by career advancement but also by personal fulfillment and contribution to society, to provide a more nuanced view on the topic.
task achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both views on what drives success, showing a balanced consideration of different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay, including the clear introduction and conclusion, enhances the overall coherence and aids in conveying your argument.
task achievement
Well-supported main points with clear, comprehensive ideas strengthen the effectiveness of your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.