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Writing Samples
Band 6

It is universally accepted that eating too much sugar has a negative effect on people’s health. Therefore, some believe that the government should control the amount of sugar people consume. Others think that it is the responsibility of an individual to monitor their sugar intake. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The
consumption
 of
sugar
 in excess leads to various health disorders. While some believe that people should be in control of their
sugar
 intake, others think that it’s in the government’s interests to control that. I personally believe that each person is responsible for their own health and government intervention in
such
 issues is not required.
This
 essay discusses both perspectives. On the one hand, there has been an exponential growth in
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of
Add a hyphen
sugar-based
show examples
sugar based
Add a hyphen
sugar-based
show examples
 food. Consuming
sugar
 in
such
 vast amounts will lead to major health issues
such
 as obesity, diabetes and heart diseases. A central ruling which regulates the amount of
sugar
 consumed by each individual will serve a pivotal role in controlling
sugar
consumption
.
Moreover
, it will ensure that each individual remains healthy and their families are free from any disorders.
For instance
, almost 70% of all Americans suffer from obesity and are seeking medical attention.
On the contrary
, every individual is responsible for their actions and must face the consequences. The government regulating
consumption
Add an article
the consumption
show examples
 of legal goods interferes with ideas of democracy.
This
 is supported by the fact that each individual must be free to choose their habits and actions. Since the vast majority of the population is educated, one can decide whether to follow limits and consume
sugar
 with responsibility.
Furthermore
, it’s the government’s responsibility to make people aware of the results of excess
sugar
consumption
. In conclusion,
although
 both sides of the debate back their ideas with sufficient reasoning, the government must get involved on a lower level and spread awareness regarding the issue of consuming excessive
sugar
.
Submitted by Serhii Baraniuk on

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Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • negative effect on health
  • government control
  • sugar consumption
  • public awareness campaigns
  • excessive sugar
  • regulations
  • tax on sugary products
  • limits for sugar levels
  • manufacturers
  • accountability
  • freedom of choice
  • health implications
  • dietary habits
  • lifestyle changes
  • reading labels
  • healthier alternatives
  • self-regulation
  • personal accountability
  • external regulations
  • public health measures
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