IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. Do you agree or disagree?

#lifestyles #parents #time #children #attention
In the current lifestyle, most guardians are working professionals
hence
 they do not have sufficient
time
 to spend with their
children
, because of that, many
pupils
 have been faced less attention by their parents while
children
 spend enough
time
 with them before. I completely agree with
this
 opinion and in
this
 ,
essay
Add an article
an essay
the essay
show examples
 I will state the reasons in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, the most compelling reason for holding my view is that nowadays, most procreators cannot focus on their
children
’s education. To explicate it, many guardians are career oriented and working
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
odd hours too which can affect
children
’s studies.
As a result
,
pupils
 cannot perform well during their primary education.
For instance
, it is observed that some students are so lazy due to a sedentary lifestyle, as they are not monitored by progenitors and given enough
time
 to teach them.
Furthermore
, another reason for my position is that procreators cannot give attention to
children
’s extra curriculum activities. To elaborate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, these days, outdoor games and other activities are more crucial for their physical and brain development in order to stay healthy and physically fit. As a consequence,
pupils
 would not do any physical activity and play indoor games which can lead to a sedentary lifestyle and could affect their health.
Lastly
,
children
 would not learn regards to basic etiquette because of the busy schedule of progenitors. To explain it,
children
 cannot learn basic manners in schools which should be taught by their guardians.
Thus
, if
children
 would not get knowledge about good manners
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 would affect their academic careers as well as professional careers. In conclusion, I totally agree with the opinion that sentencing busy schedules progenitors can give less attention to their
children
 which can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their education, physical development and behaviour. Given
this
 situation, it is recommended that procreators should give sufficient
time
 to their
pupils
 for their growth.
Submitted by dhaval0302 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: