IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some governments spend a lot of public money training individuals to be successful in international sporting events. Some people believe that this money should be spent on things that will benefit the general public instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#governments #money #individuals #events #people #benefit
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Not some
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
 but almost every government does the same thing. I
am totally agree
Change the verb form
totally agree
show examples
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 investing some money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the growth of an individual for the sake
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
international
Add an article
the international
show examples
 sport. So that they can make the
nation
Use synonyms
 proud. But
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 I must say that it should be in balance. I am not at all in the support of it, that you do have poverty in the
country
Use synonyms
, people are facing the issues of employment, they hardly have food to eat, no education in the
country
Use synonyms
,
instead
Linking Words
 of giving
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
sight to the major topics you are only
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
 in making your
nation
Use synonyms
 proud.
Use synonyms
Country
Add an article
The country
A country
show examples
 need schools, hospitals, good education and health, employment and girl safety, rather paying
attention
Use synonyms
 to these vital topics if you are paying
attention
Use synonyms
 towards
such
Linking Words
 activities so
this
Linking Words
 is not justified at all. We need a government that
pay
Change the verb form
pays
show examples
 equal
attention
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everywhere. Be its education, sports, health,
entrtainment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
,
crime
Correct word choice
or crime
show examples
. The
attention
Use synonyms
 should be equal.
This
Linking Words
 is my personal opinion access of
every thing
Correct your spelling
everything
show examples
 is bad, if you are paying 100%
attention
Use synonyms
 to a single topic so the
second
Linking Words
 entity will effect and it will impact you too. If
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
Correct your spelling
chosen
choosen
Correct your spelling
chosen
 you as PM so you have to live up to their expectation. Rather
putting
Change preposition
than putting
show examples
 100%
attention
Use synonyms
 to a single topic pay
attention
Use synonyms
 to every sector and try to make the
nation
Use synonyms
 proud in every
Correct your spelling
field
feild
Correct your spelling
field
. India is a golden bird,
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 the most diverse
country
Use synonyms
 still we are one
Nation
Use synonyms
,
I
Correct word choice
and I
show examples
proud
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 my
country
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by shailjameel2410 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: