IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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A large number of food and drink
products
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 have a high
sugar
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 content, which can lead to numerous health problems. Some people think that sugary
products
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 should be made to cost more to discourage people from consuming
products
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 with lots of
sugar
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. I personally agree with
this
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 because I personally see
sugar
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 as a very harmful ingredient to our body.
However
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, I
also
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 think that other than increasing the price, there should be policies taken to inform more people of the effects of
sugar
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.
To begin
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 with,
sugar
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 specifically refined
sugar
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 is extremely bad for your body functions. Intaking a high amount of
sugar
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 can result in multiple health issues.
For instance
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, it spikes your glucose level and causes your body to be in an inflamed state.
Not to mention
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, the most prevalent side effect of
sugar
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,
diabetes
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is diabetes
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, which is a non-curable illness that can eventually be fatal. In
additon
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addition
 to making sugary goods more expensive, we should
also
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 widely spread awareness
to
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of
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 the consequences of consuming
sugar
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.
For example
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, there should be more advertisements and articles stating the drawbacks that come with
sugar
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. Doing so
,
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apply
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 will make individuals more aware and consume less sugary
products
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. In conclusion, eating a lot of
sugar
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 can result in many health issues, it can even lead to death.
Therefore
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, I strongly support the idea of raising the price of sugary food and drinks to decrease their consumption. But I
also
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 believe that there should be more actions taken to highlight the side effects of
sugar
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 to the public.
Submitted by minnikamol on

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task response
Consider providing more specific examples to illustrate your points, as this can strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow between your ideas to improve coherence. This might involve using more linking words or phrases.
task response
You have addressed the task well and provided a clear personal stance on the issue, which supports a solid task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, guiding the reader effectively through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally well supported with explanations, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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