As a result of electronic inventions ,people do less physical activity and this is having a negative effect on their health . To what extent do you agree or disagree
Due to
the advent of technology ,individuals perform less exercise and it is having a detrimental impact on their well-being.I totally agree with this
view because of the change of
attitude and Change preposition
in
dependent
on artificial intelligence .The essay will explain in detail the reasons for my stance Replace the word
dependence
as well as
examples in the subsequent paragraphs.
To begin
with,one primary cause of poor health is a change of lifestyle.In the ,past most inhabitants prefer outdoor activities like Soccer,Basketball and Volleyball which are physically demanding and help them burn a lot of fat.With the advancement in technology like as
phones ,computers and television.They tend to spend more time with these machines rather than outdoor games.Change preposition
apply
This
result
in obesity because they tend to sit for a long time without burning any fat.Obesity is a factor in many diseases.Fix the agreement mistake
results
For example
,Hypertension and Diabetes Mellitus are caused by Obesity.Moreover
,they stay glued to the screen of the
computers and phones as they use them for a long time which leads to eye problems in the long run.If individuals involve themselves in outdoor games Change the word
their
instead
of indoor activities ,diseases like Hypertension will be reduced.
Secondly
,another reason for poor well-being is dependent on modern inventions.Workers tend to do demanding work at their workplaces and with the advancement in machines they no longer perform such
duties.For instance
packing of products was done by individuals which helps them to burn excess fat.Although
computers make work easier ,employees suffer .Companies should make workers demand jobs so that they will remove excess calories from the body.
In conclusion,reliance on technology and change in behaviour are the two reasons people perform less physical activities nowadays and
which has resulted in poor Correct word choice
apply
ill-health
Correct your spelling
ill health
Submitted by yahayasonde2 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and provides relevant examples. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed, and some points lack clarity.
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The response addresses the task prompt and provides clear ideas with supporting examples. However, it could benefit from a more balanced discussion and improved organization of ideas.