Children nowadays are experiencing health issues, which were previously believed to be exclusive to adults. Obesity, a significant health problem, is widespread among young individuals. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?

#children #health #adults #obesity #individuals

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In the contemporary epoch, minors have several health problems,

such

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as obesity, that are not common in the past.

Due to

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the popularity of fast

food

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this

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issue takes place in many countries.

In addition

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, disclosing the drawbacks of fast

food

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in the media or books can be an effective

solution

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. On the one hand, at present, fast

food

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consumption is a growing trend, and the majority of youths utilize it as a meal. Not only does it not have nutrients, but it

also

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has a high level of fat.

Moreover

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, the ingredients that are employed in these types of

food

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lead to fatness.

Hence

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, juveniles who eat junk

food

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get obese.

According to

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the WHO organization, 20% of children who reside in the USA suffer from being fat.

Further

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and even more importantly, television programs and

documantries

Correct your spelling

documentaries

can play a crucial role

to inform

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in informing

show examples

children

the

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of the

show examples

detrimental effects of these foods on their fitness levels.

Thus

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, as a viable

solution

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, government officials are able to employ some approaches to introduce the downsides of fast

food

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This

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activity assists minors in avoiding them to eat fast

food

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. Indeed, if they recognize

this

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food

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can cause not only being out of shape but

also

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several cardiovascular ailments, they reduce their consumption. In conclusion, fast

food

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is the prime reason for the fatness problem of children. A

solution

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can be done is insights

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into

show examples

the negative aspects of these types of

food

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. In my opinion,

this

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solution

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can be useful because whenever juveniles know these aspects, they can make better decisions to avoid these foods.

Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on Thu Oct 03 2024

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task achievement

The essay presents a clear understanding of the task, identifying both the causes (fast food consumption) and potential solutions (media awareness). However, incorporating more specific examples or statistics in support of the solution would enhance task response.

coherence cohesion

Organize paragraphs more cohesively by ensuring a clear link between the ideas. Consider using more linking words or phrases to enhance flow between sentences and paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

The essay includes an effective introduction and conclusion that frames the discussion well.

task achievement

The main points about the causes and solutions are relevant and align well with the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

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Children nowadays are experiencing health issues, which were previously believed to be exclusive to adults. Obesity, a significant health problem, is widespread among young individuals. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicle will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

Write a letter to the bank's head office. In your letter: explain why you are writing express concern about the missing card ask them what they intend to do