Children nowadays are experiencing health issues, which were previously believed to be exclusive to adults. Obesity, a significant health problem, is widespread among young individuals. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?

#children #health #adults #obesity #individuals

In the contemporary epoch, minors have several health problems,

such

as obesity, that are not common in the past.

Due to

the popularity of fast

food

this

issue takes place in many countries.

In addition

, disclosing the drawbacks of fast

food

in the media or books can be an effective

solution

. On the one hand, at present, fast

food

consumption is a growing trend, and the majority of youths utilize it as a meal. Not only does it not have nutrients, but it

also

has a high level of fat.

Moreover

, the ingredients that are employed in these types of

food

lead to fatness.

Hence

, juveniles who eat junk

food

get obese.

According to

the WHO organization, 20% of children who reside in the USA suffer from being fat.

Further

and even more importantly, television programs and

documantries

Correct your spelling

documentaries

can play a crucial role

to inform

Change preposition

in informing

show examples

children

the

Change preposition

of the

show examples

detrimental effects of these foods on their fitness levels.

Thus

, as a viable

solution

, government officials are able to employ some approaches to introduce the downsides of fast

food

This

activity assists minors in avoiding them to eat fast

food

. Indeed, if they recognize

this

food

can cause not only being out of shape but

also

several cardiovascular ailments, they reduce their consumption. In conclusion, fast

food

is the prime reason for the fatness problem of children. A

solution

can be done is insights

Change preposition

into

show examples

the negative aspects of these types of

food

. In my opinion,

this

solution

can be useful because whenever juveniles know these aspects, they can make better decisions to avoid these foods.

Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on Thu Oct 03 2024

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task achievement

The essay presents a clear understanding of the task, identifying both the causes (fast food consumption) and potential solutions (media awareness). However, incorporating more specific examples or statistics in support of the solution would enhance task response.

coherence cohesion

Organize paragraphs more cohesively by ensuring a clear link between the ideas. Consider using more linking words or phrases to enhance flow between sentences and paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

The essay includes an effective introduction and conclusion that frames the discussion well.

task achievement

The main points about the causes and solutions are relevant and align well with the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

263 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Children nowadays are experiencing health issues, which were previously believed to be exclusive to adults. Obesity, a significant health problem, is widespread among young individuals. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that only way to judge someone's success in business is by the amount of money they make. Is money a true indicator of success of a business? In what other ways could success in a business be measured?

Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates have led some people to say that universities should not teach arts subjects, like philosophy and history, and only offer practical degree courses that maximize chances of employment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

The increased availability of consumer credit in some countries has contributed to the problem of debt. Who is responsible for high levels of indebtedness: the financial institutions that lend money or the individuals who borrow money?

Countries should produce enough food for their own population and import as little as possible. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?