IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

In many countries people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#countries #people #children
Many people argue that are concerned about the number of
young
Add an article
the young
a young
show examples
 generation who are overweight. There is
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of reasons behind the phenomenon and several solutions should be adopted by the government and individuals to improve the situation. There are two main reasons associated with
this
 tendency,
Firstly
 poor diet,
this
 is mainly due to
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
.
Secondly
 lack of
excecise
Correct your spelling
exercise
. Fortunately, several measures could be taken to alleviate
this
 problem. The
first
 solution would be
educate
Fix the infinitive
to educate
show examples
 children about healthy food. They learn to use which kind of food,
Also
 they know how to prepare simple healthy meals. Another solution is to encourage youngth people to exercise according to some research They spend more time playing sports.
For example
, football, badminton, running, jogging,… are very good for health. In conclusion, It is clear that various reasons for overweight in children and steps need to be taken by the government and individuals to tackle
this
 problem. It can be predicted that there are many children who are healthy life.
Submitted by rongvietcc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: