IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that alcohol should be considered as a drug and made illegal. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

#people #alcohol #drug
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There has been
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strong opposition among activists about whether the government should impose an
alcohol
Use synonyms
 ban. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will argue that making
alcohol
Use synonyms
 illegal might be an effective way to reduce
liquor
Use synonyms
 consumption ,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it might not be the best solution as it can lead to an increase in the production of illegal
alcohol
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, banning
alcohol
Use synonyms
 use results in a decrease in domestic violence. When the chance of consuming wine
reduce
Wrong verb form
is reduced
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 can control their behaviour and stay calm when it comes to some family conflicts.
As a result
Linking Words
, it can lead to a smaller number of domestic damages caused by
alcohol
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
alcohol
Use synonyms
 addiction is associated with a variety of both mental and physical health issues, and making it illegal can contribute to an improvement in the health of addicts.
However
Linking Words
, prohibiting
alcohol
Use synonyms
 can lead to an increase in illicit
liquor
Use synonyms
 manufacturers.
This
Linking Words
 is because
people
Use synonyms
 cannot stop drinking
alcohol
Use synonyms
 right away, so many unlicensed wine factories will take advantage of
this
Linking Words
 and produce as much illegal
alcohol
Use synonyms
 as possible.
Therefore
Linking Words
, there will be a rising number of
people
Use synonyms
 suffering from serious health problems because of using illicit
liquor
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of regulated and safe
alcohol
Use synonyms
, the use of drugs will
also
Linking Words
 increase.
Hence
Linking Words
, banning
alcohol
Use synonyms
 can lead to more serious problems for
people
Use synonyms
 in the long term. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it is true that making
alcohol
Use synonyms
 illegal can be beneficial for
people
Use synonyms
, I would argue that it might lead to the availability of illegal
liquor
Use synonyms
 and drugs.
Therefore
Linking Words
, we should focus on conducting awareness programs for
people
Use synonyms
 about consuming
alcohol
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by sonlamtrandai on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The arguments are presented but the overall structure could be improved to enhance coherence.
task achievement
The response addresses the prompt and provides relevant ideas, but the examples could be more specific and relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: