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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that alcohol should be considered as a drug and made illegal. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

#people #alcohol #drug
There has been
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strong opposition among activists about whether the government should impose an
alcohol
 ban. In
this
 essay, I will argue that making
alcohol
 illegal might be an effective way to reduce
liquor
 consumption ,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it might not be the best solution as it can lead to an increase in the production of illegal
alcohol
.
Firstly
, banning
alcohol
 use results in a decrease in domestic violence. When the chance of consuming wine
reduce
Wrong verb form
is reduced
show examples
,
people
 can control their behaviour and stay calm when it comes to some family conflicts.
As a result
, it can lead to a smaller number of domestic damages caused by
alcohol
.
In addition
,
alcohol
 addiction is associated with a variety of both mental and physical health issues, and making it illegal can contribute to an improvement in the health of addicts.
However
, prohibiting
alcohol
 can lead to an increase in illicit
liquor
 manufacturers.
This
 is because
people
 cannot stop drinking
alcohol
 right away, so many unlicensed wine factories will take advantage of
this
 and produce as much illegal
alcohol
 as possible.
Therefore
, there will be a rising number of
people
 suffering from serious health problems because of using illicit
liquor
.
In addition
,
due to
 the lack of regulated and safe
alcohol
, the use of drugs will
also
 increase.
Hence
, banning
alcohol
 can lead to more serious problems for
people
 in the long term. In conclusion,
while
 it is true that making
alcohol
 illegal can be beneficial for
people
, I would argue that it might lead to the availability of illegal
liquor
 and drugs.
Therefore
, we should focus on conducting awareness programs for
people
 about consuming
alcohol
.
Submitted by sonlamtrandai on

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coherence cohesion
The arguments are presented but the overall structure could be improved to enhance coherence.
task achievement
The response addresses the prompt and provides relevant ideas, but the examples could be more specific and relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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