IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed (damaged) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live.

#people #earth #activity #place
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Our modern civilisation is the consequence of several human actions.
While
Linking Words
 some communities believe that human activities are
one
Use synonyms
 of the primary causes of harm to our planet, others completely deny it.
However
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, I am convinced that various human actions are being caused to proliferate the earth's deterioration rate. On the
one
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 hand, our planet is being destroyed by unfavourable human activities, which is the belief of a segment of society. Scientists are constantly working in various chemical factories that are being set up by people, and the garbage from those factories is dumped into rivers and canals
along with
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 methane gas that has been mixed with air.
Similarly
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, advanced technology has led to various vehicles emitting poisonous gases.These gases have an impact on the ozone layer, which is hazardous to both humans and the climate.
Consequently
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, the environment is a victim of the greenhouse effect, acid rain,
likewise
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 many
such
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 conditions that are detrimental to the globe and to future generations. A recent survey,
for example
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, conducted by the University of Oxford unveiled that, at present, 20% of the earth's total surface is being degraded by constant human research in various technological fields.
On the other hand
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, other sections of society proclaim that human interaction is making
this
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 world a better place to reside in, and development in the agricultural sector is
one
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 of them. Scientists are constantly analysing
this
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 section to develop the proliferation ratio of harvests.
According to
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 current data, many farmed fields are being fertilised using advanced technology to produce crops that can fulfil the population's needs
while
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 benefiting the surroundings by creating oxygen simultaneously. Meanwhile, many industries are trying to recycle items
such
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 as plastic since they are harmful to the environment, take a long time to integrate with the soil, and
as a consequence
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, can have a negative impact on the ground.
For example
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, Japan is
one
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 of the forerunner countries whose community took a massive step in banning plastics and using pollution-free substances
instead
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 of these. In conclusion,
while
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 the public may vary in their opinions, I firmly believe that many human activities degrade the environment to advance human domination on
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
.
Submitted by samsulislam43.si on

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task achievement
The response addresses the task effectively, but it could benefit from a clearer distinction between the viewpoints discussed. Make sure to explicitly outline how each point aligns with either the view that human activity harms or benefits the Earth.
task achievement
While the essay includes a variety of examples, integrating more specific data or case studies could strengthen your argument and demonstrate greater task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Transitions are generally used effectively, but further enhancing the flow between paragraphs could improve overall coherence. Consider using more linking phrases or sentences to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
The essay begins with a clear introduction that presents the topic and your stance effectively.
task achievement
The points are relatively well-structured with clear support, highlighting your ability to maintain a logical sequence of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates your stance, giving a strong finish to the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • renewable resources
  • carbon footprint
  • conservation
  • ecology
  • emissions
  • fossil fuels
  • greenhouse gases
  • habitat destruction
  • industrialization
  • pollutants
  • recycling
  • urbanization
  • deforestation
  • ecosystem
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