IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that school children should be made to wear a uniform. Others feel that children should be free to choose their own clothes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #school #children #uniform #clothes
There has been a controversy about whether
students
 should wear a
uniform
 at school. Some people think children should be free to choose their own
clothes
; some have the opposite
opinions
Fix the agreement mistake
opinion
show examples
. I think the advantages of wearing a
uniform
 outweigh its disadvantages.
First,
giving
students
 equal identities and positions. As we know, the
clothes
 you wear can always reflect your financial situation;
for example
, wealthy people constantly wear designer goods.
Therefore
, if there was no
uniform
 role at school, it's bound to cause some issues,
such
 as a comparison between
students
 in terms of the
clothes
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 wear. Take me as an example.
Students
 with wealthy parents consistently wear designer products, like Nike, in my old school. And they always mocked the unwealthy
students
'
clothes
. At
this
 point, a
uniform
 can prevent
students
 from comparing their outfits with one another because everyone is wearing the same.
Second,
paying more attention to studies. It's expected that if
students
 were allowed to dress whatever they want, it's highly possible that they will spend a considerable amount of time on it because they want to present the best themselves.
On the contrary
,
students
 could concentrate more on their studies if there was a
uniform
 restriction.
On the other hand
, there are some disadvantages of a
uniform
.
First,
students
' individualism can be affected negatively to a large extent. It's commonplace that everyone is distinctive;
hence
, we have our own tastes in terms of clothing.
However
, the existence of a
uniform
 forces
students
 to wear the same
cloth
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
, which can ruin
students
' individualism. In conclusion, I believe the merits of wearing a
uniform
outstrip
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 its demerits.
Submitted by junyiwu029 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that all points directly relate to the topic and provide a balanced discussion of both views.
coherence and cohesion
Use more cohesive devices to better connect ideas and provide a clearer overall structure to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: