IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

At the present time, the populatiom of some countries includes a reltaively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. do the advantage of this situation outweight disadvantages?

#time #populatiom #countries #adults #people #advantage #situation #outweight
Nowadays, the majority of several country's residents are youth and the minority are elders. I consider
this
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
phenomenom
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
 has more advantages than disadvantages for several reasons. On the one hand, nations that have adults more than old people may suffer from many drawbacks like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 high unemployment rates ,and
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
show examples
 labour market.
For instance
, in
Egypt
Add a comma
,Egypt
show examples
 there are enormous
Correct your spelling
university
univeristy
Correct your spelling
university
 graduates every year who suffer from
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of vacancies and work
Correct your spelling
opportunities
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 which
Correct your spelling
result
reslut
Correct your spelling
results
 in
disappointment
Add an article
the disappointment
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of them.
Moreover
, few elders in societies may result in
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of experiences transferred between generations, so that youth can not learn from the experienced older generations and make more mistakes through their professional
carees
Correct your spelling
careers
career
 due to the absence of guidance and
consulataions
Correct your spelling
consultations
consultation
 from the older ones.
On the other hand
, I believe that the presence of
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of adults in nations
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more positive outcomes because it will increase the productivity, innovation,
creativity
Correct word choice
and creativity
show examples
 of the society.
Firstly
, if the majority of the habitats are from young ages,
this
 will lead to higher rates of production, manufacturing, and
constructing
Replace the word
construction
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the cities.
Secondly
, schools and
Correct your spelling
university
univeristy
Correct your spelling
university
 graduates are able to innovate, create, and invent new ideas and projects compared to elderly people.
For example
, at Google, Apple, and Microsoft the majority of the
Correct your spelling
employees
employess
Correct your spelling
employees
 are fresh graduates to create products suitable for their generation and the present demands.
Finally
, the low number of older ages, means that the government do not have to pay huge amount of pensions and medications,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 it will invest its money in projects for future generations. In conclusion, I hold the notion that the higher youth rates are more
Correct your spelling
preferable
show examples
preferrable
Correct your spelling
preferable
show examples
 to increase the productivity, creativity,success, and innovation of societies.
Submitted by a7med_naguib on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic shift
  • workforce participation
  • economic growth
  • innovation
  • vocational training
  • dependency ratio
  • healthcare resources
  • unemployment rate
  • social dynamics
  • cultural vibrancy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: