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Band 5.5

many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar,which causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

#food #drink #products #level #sugar #health #people
Everything has two sides and
food
 and beverages containing a large amount of
sugar
 are
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 exceptions. In the past, it seemed that you could feel happy while having them but as some negative facts about them have
been appeared
Change to the active voice
appeared
show examples
, some
people
 realized that they were not
Correct your spelling
healthy
show examples
heathy
Correct your spelling
healthy
show examples
 and
then
 claimed that the price of
this
 kind of
food
 and
drink
 goods should be higher in order to discourage
people
 to consume less We need to acknowledge that they could be safer for your health than other addictive like alcohol drinks and
tabaco
Correct your spelling
tobacco
. From medical research in Australia, the number of
people
 loving alcohol and
tabaco
Correct your spelling
tobacco
 passed away until
Correct article usage
the 60’s
show examples
60’s
Change noun form
60s
show examples
 was twice as the
people
 who prefer having
food
 and
drink
 high in
sugar
. Making you feel less hungry after consuming them is another
merits
Fix the agreement mistake
merit
show examples
 and
sugar
 can lead you
feel
Add the particle
to feel
show examples
 as if you had a lot of dishes.
On the other hand
, regarding these
food
 and
drink
 goods, there could be many disadvantages for our health.
Firstly
, a large amount of
sugar
 could make you become unhealthy and at worst have serious illnesses and symptoms like cancer and diabetes. In fact, according to research in South Korea between 2000 and 2010,
people
 drinking a
sugar
beverage
Fix the agreement mistake
beverages
show examples
such
 as Coca-Cola and Red bull
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 were
likely
Correct quantifier usage
more likely
show examples
 to have cancer
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
almost three times
as
Change preposition
than
show examples
people
 who did not have the kind of
drink
 at all.
In addition
,
although
 these
good
Fix the agreement mistake
goods
show examples
 could be dangerous for your health as above,
people
 in any generation are allowed to buy the products in many countries without any permit. In conclusion , the price of
food
 and
drink
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 high
sugar
 should
be went
Change the verb form
be going
show examples
 up in order to decrease the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
consumption of
these refreshment
Change the determiner
this refreshment
these refreshments
show examples
.
Submitted by Bishop0406 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar consumption
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • encourage
  • expensive
  • reduce
  • effectively
  • discourage
  • tight budget
  • purchasing
  • disproportionately
  • lower-income individuals
  • healthier food choices
  • demand
  • regardless
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