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Band 5

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others, however, believe that government should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #responsibility #individuals #care #health #diet #government #citizens
In the contemporary epoch, there is irrefutable debate among folks regarding maintaining and taking care of their personal
health
 and food habits. In
this
 discourse, I am going to canvass the stated theme
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
elucidate copious motives and
then
 interpret why I reckon that it is an affirmative or cynical initiative in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, the first notion, there is a bountiful judicious use of available resources
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. The most preponderant is that manifestly, every individual should be responsible and accountable for their fitness and diet.
for instance
,
according to
 research findings, around 80% of the population, these days people are practising yoga and engaging in physical work-outs to keep away their own
health
 in good condition.
In addition
 to
this
, in a recent report , it emerged that most citizens are focussing on a diet to avoid diseases like diabetes,
blood
Correct word choice
high blood
show examples
 pressure and heart-related ailments. Needless to say, all these merits stand out in good stead, as far as augmenting prosperity and excellence is concerned.
On the other hand
, another pivotal proposition is that it is only likely that citizens are expecting support from the government to encourage in
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
 of
health
 centres and
providing
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 healthy food. to cite an example, The European government mooted robust strategies to encourage society
in indulging
Change preposition
to indulge
show examples
 them in physical exercises and maximising the utilization of food-related products.
Besides
, it involves a lot of money in maintaining the fitness centres and indirectly it's an overburden for the tax-payers.
However
, the positive points are undeniable compared to the flaws. In a nutshell,
according to
 the forenamed wrangles, I would like to restate my vista that every person should be responsible for their own
health
 and maintaining a proper diet is indeed too terrific to neglect the torment in the technological era. Hereby, it is an affirmative tendency.
Submitted by balaji.vit112 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay addresses the given prompt directly and fully. Provide a balanced discussion of both views and offer a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing and connecting ideas in a more coherent manner. Use transition words and phrases to link sentences and paragraphs.

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