For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #reason #work #money

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For many individuals,the driving force to go to their workplace and

work

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hard is to earn

money

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.I believe that apart from monetary gain,there are many other reasons

people

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like to

work

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excessively

such

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as job satisfaction.I will elaborate on both of these points of view in the writing that follows. On the one hand,

people

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work

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hard to sustain themselves in their professions so that they are able to run their livelihood with a continuous source of

money

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Moreover

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,they want to raise their standards of living and become financially independent.

Hence

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,they extend their working hours to receive overtime salaries and monetary rewards which they

further

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utilise in meeting their personal life goals.

For instance

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,a working professional who has taken a home loan will stretch his time at the office in order to repay the loan on time.

Thus

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, a person in need of

money

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and a better future puts extra effort into his profession.

On the other hand

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people

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look at a job as a place of motivation and they find a purpose there.

People

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looking for better opportunities and roles tend to do a little extra than others.

This

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way they stand out in the eyes of their managers and receive promotions,extended job responsibilities and career growth.

In addition

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this

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, a few of them seek a sense of achievement in their jobs,not

money

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.To illustrate, a teacher takes tuition classes after school so as to

work

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on the poor students and help them get good grades in exams.Working professionals do so to feel content and

also

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serve the nation. In conclusion,there are many other aspects to putting extra effort into

work

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besides

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increased finance.In my opinion,financial stability is an indispensable factor in life.

However

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, finding a career aim and working towards it religiously is equally important since

work

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is worship.

Submitted by POONAMMALIK1901 on Sat Aug 27 2022

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Coherence & Cohesion

Ensure your essay is divided into clear paragraphs, each with a main idea, to improve coherence and structure.

Coherence & Cohesion

Use more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences.

Task Achievement

Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.

Coherence & Cohesion

The introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate the main ideas of the essay.

Task Achievement

The essay provides a balanced view by discussing different perspectives on the topic.

Language Use & Accuracy

A good attempt has been made to use varied vocabulary and sentence structures.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial stability
necessities
monetary rewards
quality of life
luxury items
dependents
responsibility
pursue
personal interests
cultural pressures
wealth accumulation
fulfillment
visible measure
correlate
secure future
comfortable lifestyle
entertainment

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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