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Band 7

For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #reason #work #money
For many individuals,the driving force to go to their workplace and
work
 hard is to earn
money
.I believe that apart from monetary gain,there are many other reasons
people
 like to
work
 excessively
such
 as job satisfaction.I will elaborate on both of these points of view in the writing that follows. On the one hand,
people
work
 hard to sustain themselves in their professions so that they are able to run their livelihood with a continuous source of
money
.
Moreover
,they want to raise their standards of living and become financially independent.
Hence
,they extend their working hours to receive overtime salaries and monetary rewards which they
further
 utilise in meeting their personal life goals.
For instance
,a working professional who has taken a home loan will stretch his time at the office in order to repay the loan on time.
Thus
 , a person in need of
money
 and a better future puts extra effort into his profession.
On the other hand
,
people
 look at a job as a place of motivation and they find a purpose there.
People
 looking for better opportunities and roles tend to do a little extra than others.
This
 way they stand out in the eyes of their managers and receive promotions,extended job responsibilities and career growth.
In addition
 to
this
, a few of them seek a sense of achievement in their jobs,not
money
.To illustrate, a teacher takes tuition classes after school so as to
work
 on the poor students and help them get good grades in exams.Working professionals do so to feel content and
also
 serve the nation. In conclusion,there are many other aspects to putting extra effort into
work
besides
 increased finance.In my opinion,financial stability is an indispensable factor in life.
However
, finding a career aim and working towards it religiously is equally important since
work
 is worship.
Submitted by POONAMMALIK1901 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your essay is divided into clear paragraphs, each with a main idea, to improve coherence and structure.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate the main ideas of the essay.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing different perspectives on the topic.
Language Use & Accuracy
A good attempt has been made to use varied vocabulary and sentence structures.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • necessities
  • monetary rewards
  • quality of life
  • luxury items
  • dependents
  • responsibility
  • pursue
  • personal interests
  • cultural pressures
  • wealth accumulation
  • fulfillment
  • visible measure
  • correlate
  • secure future
  • comfortable lifestyle
  • entertainment
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