Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In modern society, it is a common sight to see young individuals spending a substantial amount of time on their mobile devices each day.
While
several factors contribute to
this
trend, I believe that
this
phenomenon is creating detrimental health outcomes for
children
. One of the main reasons for the high smartphone usage among youngsters is the increasing significance of virtual activities in education. In today's world, students are required to research and submit assignments online, and smartphones are the most accessible and convenient tool to accomplish these tasks.
This
trend was
further
exacerbated by the pandemic, which led to a rise in remote learning and teamwork through mobile applications.
Additionally
, social media has become the primary mode of communication among young people, and staying connected with peers through their mobile phones has become crucial for many.
However
, despite the practicality of smartphones, their prolonged use can have adverse effects on
children
's physical and emotional well-being. The negative effects on physical health are twofold: extended screen time can harm
children
's eyesight by exposing them to blue light, which is particularly damaging to developing eyes, and can lead to a sedentary lifestyle, which has long-term consequences for physical fitness. Emotionally, unregulated use of smartphones can expose young people to inappropriate and harmful content, including violent and sexual imagery and online bullying, which can cause mental health issues. In conclusion,
while
there are practical reasons for the high  telephone usage among
children
, I believe that
this
trend has paramount drawbacks for their physical and psychological growth. Parents and educators need to take a more active role in regulating
children
's telephone use to ensure they strike a balance between virtual and physical activities
,
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and limit their exposure to harmful content. By doing so, we can promote healthier lifestyles and ensure the well-being of the next generation.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
To further improve your coherence and cohesion, work on creating smoother transitions between your paragraphs. This will help maintain a seamless flow of ideas throughout your essay.
task achievement
Including specific real-life examples or data can make your argument more compelling. For instance, mentioning studies or statistics on smartphone usage and its effects could strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured and includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which is crucial for clarity and coherence.
task achievement
You have addressed the task prompt comprehensively, covering both reasons behind the trend and your stance on its impact.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are clearly presented and logical, making your argument easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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