IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good member of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn that. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #parents #children #member #society #school #place
There is a common debate about who is responsible for preparing
children
 to interact positively in their community,
parents
 or school. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 I am convinced that it is mainly the
parents
’ responsibility . The role of the
schools
 in providing the society with well upbringing members cannot be neglected.
Schools
 have the proficient
Correct your spelling
staff
show examples
stuff
Correct your spelling
staff
show examples
 to educate
children
. teachers are always well prepared to provide guides and deal with the character problems of the child in
scientific
Change the article
a scientific
show examples
 way .
In addition
,
Schools
 are like a small society.
Children
 can examine the theoretical knowledge about the
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 which they gain from their
parents
 through interacting with their colleagues and teachers .
On the other hand
,
Parents
 play an important role in teaching their
children
 how to be good in their society.
Firstly
, it is their own responsibility . They brought them to the life and they have to meet all their needs, most importantly
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
guidance.
For instance
,
children
 do not just need
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
and drinks, they
also
 need to be taught what is right and what is wrong and what are the consequences of harming others.
Secondly
.
Children
 trust their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
.
as a result
, they depend totally on their
parents
 to evaluate
the
Change the word
their
show examples
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 and define the good and bad things, so They can accept
the
Change the word
their
show examples
Correct your spelling
advice
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 from them easily. I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
that
parents
 are responsible
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 providing the community with good members and the
children
 trust them more.
However
,
schools
 create a small social environment where
children
 can learn how to interact positively under the supervision of the proficient
stuff
Correct your spelling
staff
show examples
Submitted by Fatima Sami on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • moral values
  • social norms
  • structured environment
  • cooperation
  • respect
  • communal responsibilities
  • decision-making
  • societal integration
  • consistent messages
  • cultural expectations
  • complementary roles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: