Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages

It is generally believed that

music

can unite individuals from different backgrounds and ages. That might be true,

however

Add a comma

,however

show examples

I think

music

that is

followed by certain practices might create gaps and groups among them. In

this

essay, I am going to discuss both perspectives and decide to what extent I agree or disagree with

this

notion.

Firstly

music

can vary from

place

, and different regions oftentimes have different types of

music

. Individuals who live together in the same tribe might have their traditions that are followed by

music

. To illustrate

this

one

of the tribes in my home country, specifically in Tanah Toraja, they have their own cultural practice of slaughtering cattle followed by tribal instruments being played during the session. A number of visitors who, despite their ages, might find it peculiar and sadistic. Simultaneously, they will be reluctant to watch,

although

a gripping melody is served in the background.

Secondly

, there are

also

several occasions in my homeland where

people

gather in

one

place

, dance, and enjoy time together with

music

, despite the differences among us.

One

of the examples is independence day which is held annually on August 17. Several competitions take

place

including the dance competition. The rule is simple, we have to dance in pairs with a balloon between our heads, follow the rhythm of the

music

, and don’t let the balloon pop or fall onto the ground. On

this

occasion only,

people

are not grouped by age or tribe. All family members, young and old, can join in all together. In conclusion, in my opinion, if

music

is followed by some tribal practices that might be hard to be accepted by the majority of

people

, despite the quality or taste

music

of the

music

this

will fail to put

people

one

place

However

, if

music

is played on an occasion

that is

free from some extreme practices, it will bring joy and bring together

people

from various backgrounds.

Submitted by serlyayus on Sun Aug 28 2022

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

328 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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